So I keep having these dreams where I’m having conversations with my dad. It’s normal conversation, him asking me where I’m going, where my dogs are, or if I could pass him the soy sauce. Then I wake up, confused, and then sad after realizing that it was a dream.
My dad’s stroke was pretty bad. He had a stroke on the left side of the brain which affected the right side of his body. On the plus side, he’s out of the hospital and at a rehabilitation center. According to my mom, he’s made a lot of good progress.
I’m going to get religious here for a second. This whole thing with my dad has made me realize that while there are things that we can resolve on our own, there are some things that we just have to (as Carrie Underwood put it) let Jesus take the wheel.
It takes a certain amount of humility to accept this, and acknowledge one’s powerlessness and reliance on a higher power that is. And so, I’ve been doing a lot of prayer these past few weeks, not in a resentful Why God ?!? kind of way, but in the way that is trying to understand that while I may want my dad to bounce back to normal and live forever, everything is in God’s hands.
Praying has made dealing with things a little better, but it still sucks. I have come to the realization that things will probably never be the same. Conversations will never be the same. Which is funny that this is the thing I feel myself missing considering interactions with my dad would always annoy me, especially the older I got. When I was younger, we would laugh at his jokes, but as I grew up, my patience for his cheesiness and his foreignness waned, even causing embarrassment when we were in public.
During a visit to the desert, my dad asked a lady at the grocery store if she was Mexican. She was bagging our groceries and looked at my dad with confusion, like she wasn’t sure what she just heard. She was black.
Are you Mexican? He repeated himself. She gave him another confused look, perhaps thinking she hadn’t heard right considering his thick Filipino accent. I tried to get him/us out of the grocery store before he could ask again.
Dad…. Dad!!!., lets go.
He repeated his question a second time, this time slowly as if he was being considerate of his imperfect English. Are you a Mexican?
Dad! Lets GOOO!
This time, the grocery store bagger had heard him, but fortunately didn’t make anything of it. She smiled and shook her head no, probably giving him a pass for being old and foreign.
As we left the grocery store, I was embarrassed. Why was it necessary to know what ethnicity she was? You don’t just ask people weird questions like that. I told my dad.
I was curious. I just wanted to know.
But that was my dad for you, and even though I was frustrated and still feel myself feeling a little riled thinking about it, at the end of the day – it doesn’t really matter. Now I find myself saddened by the fact that I might possibly never have an annoying conversation or embarrassing interaction with him again.
So, if I can provide some word of advise, it is this: cherish the people you love for everything they are, including that which is annoying, embarrassing, and imperfect. It is these things (along with the good stuff) that make a person who they are and what you might find yourself missing, like I feel myself missing with my dad.
Things I like this week
Peaky Blinders Season 4 – This show is great if you like gangster shows and like that era of 1920s Birmingham (even though I read that the real Peaky Blinders existed in in the 1890’s). The cast is amazing, and Tom Hardy makes a few appearances and I love me some Tom Hardy.
Chapstick – So I didn’t realize how much I love chapsticks and lipbalms until I was cleaning out my bags and found a handfull of them in a few of them. Opening my linen closet, I found a few unopened ones. Generally I like Chapstick Total Hyrdration or the Vaseline Lip Therapy (in Cocoa Butter); those two make my lips feel like it took a big sip of water and keeps it staying hydrated for longer than the normal chapstick. I did end up opening the Sun Bum Lip Balm in Coconut, and while this doesn’t have as long of a lasting hydration, and it goes on smoothly and smells like Hawaiian Coconut Shaved Ice.
Robert Mondavi Cab. Sav. Bourbon Barred Aged – I generally like Robert Mondavi wines, but this particular wine intrigued me because of the whole Bourbon aged thing. After a few days, I completely forgot why I thought it was special to begin with and mindlessly opened the bottle while watching tv, took of the sip of wine, and was like… oohhhh. My attention immediately went from the tv to how delicious the wine was.
Things not to get:
Lip Scrubs – I was always intrigued with lip scrubs, and ended up caving and buying one from Ulta that was supposed to be the flavor of Watermelon. Don’t bother with buying. It doesn’t even taste that great and doesn’t even do a great job of scrubbing your lips and taking all the dead skin off. You’re better off using a wedge of lemon coated with sugar.
Anyways, I hope everyone has a great rest of the week. Nothing new is going on with me. This is the week I go to Costco. I know, so exciting.
Until next time…