Entry 94: How About Those Hormones – Pregnancy Diaries

How to pregnant people glow? Seriously…

I’ve found myself a little down this past week, walking around with what probably looked like a irritable scowl on my face. I went with husband to his dentist appointment and the receptionist eyed me from the corner of her eye, I think out of fear that I might yell at her for some reason.

I blame it on the pregnancy hormones. Emotionally, it starts off with one sad thought and then spirals to a million other sad thoughts that fall under an emotional umbrella of everything that is wrong with the world.

I feel really unattractive. My feet are swollen. My hands are swollen and I can’t put my ring on.  Getting out of bed is a process. I’m starting to snore to where I wake myself up and am not getting much sleep. I miss home. 

It always comes down to that last point  of missing home, fused the desire to be comforted to the -nth degree by everything familiar (friends, family, Elenos Yogurt) in the midst of all this change that is happening. Nothing else, no other thought seems to lift my mood – not even shopping for things I don’t need, or getting dessert.  Case in point, the other day I went shoe shopping and found some shoes I would’ve bought without hesitation, but then realized my ankles were too fat to fit in them so put them back on the shelf.

I know, this is kind of a downer of an entry, but I was listening to this interview with Dr. Phil the other day and he was talking about how often times we compare and try to direct our lives to the masked fronts that people put up,  illusions that are even more amplified on social media and falsely fucks with us mentally to get us to try to keep with everyone else

I’m just trying to be real.

On the plus side, I am comforted by the fact that it is only temporary and am mindful that these feelings are completely hormonal and that I should try not take it out on anyone like .. say… my husband.  I am really blessed when it comes down to it (basically lulu-ing all day)  and at the end of it all, when baby comes, I’ll probably forget all about all these feelings… and then want another baby.

Things I like this week

Space Jam Soundtrack – I was prompted to listen to this soundtrack when I saw this article that they’re releasing a Space Jam 2 with Lebron James.  I youtubed the album and knew every song by heart.. That is how good it was . If you want a trip down memory lane, put the soundtrack on.

Ariana Grade Album – I don’t listen to albums a lot, but a friend suggested that I listen to it, and as much as I don’t like Ariana and hate to admit it – it’s a good album. Her album was on repeat last week. My favorite songs: “Break Up with Your Girlfriend”, and “NASA”, and “7 Rings”

Anyways, I hope everyone has a good rest of the week. Until next time…

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Entry 93 : Things to Look Forward to…or Not – Pregnancy Diaries

It’s week 34 of pregnancy for me, which theoretically leaves me with 6 weeks until the baby comes.

In my head I think, you’ve got time, as I look at my list of things to-do: Pack my hospital bag. Get diaper cream. Get snacks for the hospital.

The next moment, I’m like Holy Shit, I’ve got 6 weeks. Tops.

Then I calm down and tell myself that worse case scenario, I can Amazon Prime it, or just go to the Wal-mart or Target down the gym. As long the kid the basics, it’ll be fine.

This lady at the gym told me she thought I was only 5 months pregnant. It made my day since I’ve been feeling like a whale since month 7.

Another lady at the gym has been giving me a what are you doing here look? every time she sees me. Actually, since we’re on friendly terms, she’s said as much to my face, and every time, I thwart her concern with a friendly smile and tell her my doctor says it’s fine and then give her a stubborn look that tells her I’m not going to listen to her.

I feel like her look is a preview of what to expect once I have a baby: people you don’t know – strangers – having an opinion (and expressing that opinion) on what you should be doing.

What is up with that? My thing is, as long as the kid doesn’t have bruises and looks healthy and happy – who am I to say how you should parent your parent your child? Before I was pregnant, I once saw this toddler – probably a year old – sipping on a massive 7-11 Icee. I was slightly jealous because those 7-11 icees are delish, but a Big Gulp size to a one year old?

Despite my judginess, I kept my mouth shut, in part because I had to get back to work, but mostly because it’s not my business whether a parent wants to inflict diabetes on their child.

I don’t mind advice coming from friends; friends know you and have your best interests at heart. It’s the stranger advice that I’m wary about.

Other things I’m not looking forward to

• Strangers touching my Baby – I understand babies are cute, but I don’t know you and don’t trust that you didn’t wash your hands after the bathroom so… don’t touch my baby
• Judgey Looks from Judgey moms – It’s the you’re inadequate look for not feeding your child the newest trendy diet. Or for not knowing how to stop your kid from crying. Or the fact that you were not prepared with enough diapers on an outing.
• Overly Braggy Parents who exaggerate the truth – I grew up with a dad who bragged and over-exaggerated the truth with other parents who did the same.Me: Dad, I work for a Bill Gates owned company, not Microsoft.
  Dad: Oh…Since marrying my Husband, my dad has told people my husband’s a pilot

  Auntie (in a Filipino Accent): So your husband is a pilot…
  Me: HUh? who told you that?
  A: Your dad told me he’s a pilot for Boeing
  Me: He worked for Boeing, not a pilot

  I hate when parents get into those competitive spats over life milestones

  Parent 1: My child took a solid shit before he was 1, so he’s bound for ivy league.
  Parent 2: That’s nice, my child started walking when he was 5 months old… and took a solid shit at 6 months. The last human to do that was Albert Einstein so….

  Someone please slap me if I get overly braggy, competitive, or over-exaggerate the truth.

Things I like this week:

The Screamary – These past few weeks, the cravings for certain foods has been real, more so than my first or second trimester . I kept thinking about ice-cream last week so tried out this ice-cream spot down the street where I live. I had blueberry cheesecake and I don’t know if it’s because I’m pregnant, but it was the best icecream I’ve had in a minute.

Entourage – This has been a show I’ve been playing in the background while I’ve been doing stuff. I’ve heard it’s a classic. Is pretty good and kind of bro-ey, but ‘m sure a lot of feminists would have something to say about it promoting womanization or something to that effect

Crashing Season 3: This show is hilarious and witty. I never knew who Pete Holmes was prior to the show, but he’s got a silly sort of sense of humour that everyone can relate to.

Punisher Season 2 : Season 1 was so good, that I couldn’t wait for season 2 to come out. I’m on maybe the 5th episode, and I’d say it’s good thus far… I just don’t know how I feel about the villians they have in this season. We’ll see how it plays out.

Books: One Day in December & Kissing Quotient : I haven’t read a book in years, but I read these in 2 days (1 day for each book). They’re romantic chick-lit books, and I don’t know if it’s hormones, but I cried throughout both of them.

Mario Badesco Facial Spray – I’ve haven’t been slapping on a lot of makeup these past few weeks, but have been working on my “no-make-up, make-up look” . This has been my go-to spritz to refresh my face in the middle of the day.

Anyways, that’s all for now. I’ve been seeing so much stuff on my social media about the snow happening back home in the NW, and it’s made me miss being there. 😦

Until next time…

Entry 92: Where’s My Pregnant Lady Pass?!? – Pregnancy diaries

I’m going to put this out there : pregnant women should get a pregnant pass.

Not just one for being forgetful, or clumsy, or saying silly things that don’t make sense, but one that gives them reserved parking spots by or in the actual handicap spots closest to the entrances of all stores. One that automatically gives pregnant ladies the option of getting employees to carry your bags to your car. One that says that if you’re waiting by a crosswalk, or not even by a crosswalk, but waiting in a parking lot to cross the lane to your car, all cars should stop to let you cross.

I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times that I’ve waited at a crosswalk, or waited by the area where you return grocery carts in order to cross the lane to my car – and a car has driven up, seen me in my pregnant self (or pretended not to see, but I know we made eye contact!) waiting to cross, and then continued on.

The first time it happened, I shrugged it off as a one-off thing. Maybe said driver had someplace to go, or had had a bad day. Maybe she had an annoying kid in the backseat who wasn’t shutting up and was giving her a migraine

But then it happened again, and again. I waited at another crosswalk after exiting a grocery store, arms with grocery bags, and a car drove past me; the driver had seen me. Another time, I returned my cart to the designated area, and another car drove by as I waited to cross my lane.

Now, I’m not one to whine about anything or ask for special treatment, but I guess in my head I had this idea I would get this societal pass in life for being pregnant. Which, maybe a “pass” isn’t the right word for it. It’s more that I thought people would be more considerate of the fact that I’m carrying a baby that is sucking the life out of me (making it harder to do even the simplest of things)and let me go first in line or let me take their seat if we’re waiting. I am, afterall ensuring, that our human species goes on.

But I’ve been finding that no such consideration exists, or if it does… it’s quickly going out of style.

Granted, I do live in the desert where people go to retire and every old person has their own ailments that they’re dealing with (like dying) that they can’t be too concerned with just another pregnant lady. In which case, okay… old retire person with ailments trumps pregnant woman.

But that doesn’t explain why everyone else who isn’t old doesn’t stop to let me cross the street.

Do I not look pregnant enough?!? I want to yell, but I don’t because it seems like too much effort.

Anyways, I hope everyone had a good weekend. Husband had Martin Luther King day off, so ended up having a 3 day weekend. On Monday, we ended up watching movies – and he told me to sit back and relax while he cleaned up the kitchen. I know all you ladies are like you should just let him and was hard to not step in and help,but I ended up laying on the couch and it was nice.

What else, I had a breakdown because my feet and hands are swollen. Apparently this is completely normal during pregnancy, but I was upset when I couldn’t fit my ring on. Husband made me feel better though by not wearing his ring when we went out dinner on Friday so we could pretended to be the non-married couple that got pregnant. I know, we’re so weird.

Things I like this week:

• Cinnamon Shortbread Lattes from Starbucks
• Ham and Cheese baked in Sweet Hawaiian Rolls
• Sopapilla Cheesecakes
• Fruit – In particular pears – which I know is random, but being pregnant has made me want pears for some reason

Until next time…

Entry 91: Fitness Fridays – A Whale Walks Into the Gym – Pregnant Gym Diaries

The thing about walking into the gym when you’re pregnant AF, is that everyone will stare. I mean, EVERYONE. Especially when they haven’t seen you in a while.

I’d tried to Kylie Jenner it for a while, wearing over-sized sweatshirts and sweatpants to make people think that maybe I had just gained some weight, but towards the end of the second trimester and into the third, that was no longer possible.

“Embrace the belly”, husband told me one day

But it’s so hard; 6 months ago I had what might of been abs (I’m not sure, it might of been the shadows), and now I’m waddling all whale-like with my bones feeling like that of  a 75 year old woman with osteoporosis.  Getting out of bed is a chore, bending over to pick up socks that my pregnant clumsy self dropped is hard; I had to get slip on sneaks because it got to the point where I was trying to tie my shoes and after a few minutes was just like, nope. 

Which leaves me wondering, how are some moms so glowy and so zen in the midst of all of this? I try drink more water, put on extra moisturizer and highlighting creme on the high points of my face, but I think my internal struggle with my changing body comes out, and I just look like  a pregnant woman with a scowled, but nicely highlighted face.

I’m doing better though, with embracing the belly.  At this point, it is what it is. There’s no question of is she? or isn’t she? or.. I think she might be… I look pregnant and there’s no point in hiding it.

Oh, but the stares.

And being the person that  I am, I hate attention and when I know I’m being eyed from the corner of people’s eye, my mind goes crazy on what people are thinking

Wasn’t she just super skinny, like yesterday?

What is she doing working out?  I mean, what is she doing even moving? Her belly is so… pregnant!

I tell myself to keep an eye on the prize, that I only have 9 more weeks to go, and that  post-baby and once cleared by the doctor, the transition to going back to my prime self will be easier. We’ll see how that goes though.

Fitness thing of the week:

My pregnancy workout:

Cardio: 15 minutes (fast paced walking)
Muscle Group Tone: 30-45 minutes, 4 supersets, 15 reps eat exercise, light weight
Stretch/What Ab Exercise I can do : 15 minutes. I’m not able to do a lot of ab workouts now that I’m super pregnant, but I do work out my transitional ab breathing techniques and side abs.

Things I avoid:
Exercises in which I have to lay down (if it’s like a dumbbell chest press where you usually lie down, I’ll make sure I’m at an angled position)
Jumping
Exercises where I sit down

Things I try to do:
Keep my heart rate up
Do exercises that help with balance, but don’t make me fall over.

Anyways, I hope everyone has a great weekend. I’m in nesting mode, so will be doing my sewing and crafting for baby’s room. Also – there’s a football on Sunday.

Until next time…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Entry 90: Your Baby Is Going to Be Beautiful – Pregnancy Diaries

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about what my future kid is going to look like. Will he be tall? Or short like me? Will he have Asian eyes? Will he be able to tan well without burning? Will I need to make sure we match so I don’t get mistaken for an Asian nanny?

You’re baby is going to be beautiful I’ve heard it said, even prior to becoming pregnant. This was mostly said by older Asian Aunties who – in having lived life – seemed to believe that they have witnessed the truth in the cultural sentiment that an Asian and White couple would always result in good looking child.

Which, I don’t know if I believe that to be entirely true, but then again…. The most recent Miss Universe is half Aussie-half Filipino, and you know the Miss Universe competition is the most valid judgement of beauty out there.

::Insert sarcasm::

The further along my pregnancy I get, I find myself asking Is what he looks like really going to matter? Am I going to really love him any less if he ends up having a certain characteristic ? Probably not.

I think in our society there still is this idea that having a beautiful child who becomes a beautiful adult is advantegous in life, which to a certain extent is true. Beautiful people tend to get idolized in middle school and high school and never have issues dating; they never seem to have problems with self confidence, and even though they might not be good at math or have an idiotic personality, the mere fact that they’re beautiful gives them firsthand picking of the fish in the sea.

But the truth of the matter is that while there is this sense of curiousity over what my child will look like when he’s born, at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter to me. What I have found myself caring more about is that the kid comes out healthy and that we raise the kid to be a good, functioning person. He will come out looking however he will come out looking, and he will be perfect…because (and I’m going to get all religious here for a sec) God never screws up when He gifts you with a kid.

And so, when the ultrasound lady a couple week ago said “Sorry Dad, looks like hes going to have Mom’s nose.” I replied with…”well as long as it works”

Things I like this week:

True Detective Season 3– season 2 was a bust, but HBO premiered 2 episodes of season 3 last Sunday, and it was good. I feel like the writers may have redeemed themselves with this one, but we shall see.

Trader Joe’s Crispy Cookies filled with Belgian chocolate these are like imitation Milano cookie. I first had these at a friend’s house and since then haven’t been able to get them out of my head. They’re cheaper than Milano cookies, have more calories per serving, but the cookie and chocolate quality is on point. I suggest giving these a try if you haven’t.

That’s all I got for now. I’ve just been busy nesting and decorating the baby’s room, making all these intricate things like pillows and onesies. 🙂 what else? We took our baby birth prep class and they suggested we make a music playlist to help us relax, but I’m thinking of putting some 50 cent, Imagine Dragons or Link Park on when it’s go time….something that puts me in the ” let’s get this thing done!” mode. I feel like classical music would just annoy me… so my childs entrance song to the world may be to ” In the club” …or Radioactive. I’m open to suggestions.

Until next time…..

Entry 89: Seattle, I Love You

As I was getting on the plane to go to Seattle, waiting in line to get to my assigned seat, I overheard these two Seattle newbies behind me talk about their upcoming trip.

I wonder what Seattle is like bro [ …] Do you want to go to the strip club?

I was tempted to whip my head around and interject on their convo.

A St-rip Club?!? You’re going to Seattle for the first time… and you think… the strip club?!?

It surprised me that out of all the possible things one can look up to do in Seattle, someone would intentionally look up where to watch girls grind up and down a pole.

Then again, one look from my side-eye revealed that he was the girlfriendless type, not by choice, but by his lack of ability to compete in the dating world. His curly hair was a greasy mullet, his pudge and pimpled complexion told the story of a life that had spent a majority of the time eating French Fries while watching porn and getting high. He was the guy girls swiped left on a regular basis, the guy you ask your girls to save you from if they ever saw you approached by at a bar, the type of guy who went to Seattle, and out of all the millions of things to do while there, went to the strip clubs.

I admit to being wrong to first impressions, and I’m probably being a bit harsh coming to these perceptions based on a snippet of a conversation and how he looked, but at that moment my natural senses could not help but come to the conclusion of … Eww. Gross.

Now, if you would have asked me what to do in Seattle, I would’ve suggested places to eat, breweries to visit, and neighborhoods to get lost in. I would have given suggestions on the known and not so known touristy things to do, and warned you about traffic. A strip club would have never made it on my list

But hey, to each his own.

Then again, I never really do any of the touristy things when I go back to Seattle. While this last trip was a short one, it was jam packed with eating and seeing people. My good friends hosted this baby shower for me that was filled with good food and desserts, and we were surrounded by most of our close friends. It was perfect, so perfect that even Husband said it was perfect, which says a lot because he doesn’t do baby showers.. ever.

This past weekend made me think about how I used to always want to be that person with million friends, the one who knew everyone, but I’ve come to realize that there’s more love to be found in having a few close friends who genuinely care for you and know you and love you for who you are, than having a million acquaintances who don’t know you at all. The older I get, the more I’ve come to value my close friends, the ones who I’m not ashamed to talk to about the stupidest things or ask question others might find weird – including asking if it’s normal to pregnant pee, and think you’re done, but you’re not really done.

Some people spend a lifetime not have good people in their life, but I’m really blessed to have the ones that I got in mine.

Things I Like This Week:

ShareTea Bubble Tea There’s this bubble tea place that opened where my parents live in Washington that has really good bubble tea. When I went home for the weekend, I went to this bubble tea place 3 times in 3 days and got hot honey milk tea with Boba. .

Anyways that’s it, but I hope everyone has a great rest of their week. Now that I’m back home, I’m going to be in full nesting mode. Wish me luck. I’m painting these mountains and am trusting my artistic inner self to deliver something amazing.

Until next time….

Entry 88 : Reminiscing the Old Me

I was checking out this chick the other day while I was waiting for my soup + salad. Not in a lesbian I-want-to-make-out with her kind of way (don’t get it twisted);  I was internally admiring her put togetherness.

She had beautiful locks of pretty curls, her make-up was done,  she wore a button-up shirt, 3 inch heels, and a pencil skirt that perfectly fit her back side in such a way that accentuated her youthful perky butt.

I on the other-hand, was scrubbed out. Granted, I was going to the gym after my soup, but I wore comfortable workout clothes, my hair was bunched up in a bun, and while I had made sure my eye brows were groomed before I had left the house, my face had no makeup on.

My eyes kept flickering back to her as I kept thinking, That Used to Be Me, with the heels and the skirt…

What happened?!?

If I’m being honest, I married, moved, and became a housewife, is what happened.  The need to even brush my hair eventually became seen as unnecessary. I mean, would you spend an hour to do your make-up and hair just to clean or do a Target run?

On top of that, now that I’m brewing a child and in the 3rd Trimester, the laziness in putting effort in how I look has worsened. All I want to do is roll around in sweats, watch Netflix, and eat.

While it is a blessing to not have to put effort in how I look all the time, I’m finding that therein lies a danger in being lazy to one’s own self-care.  The unkept mentality affects one’s own perspective on their own self-image, ultimately leading to the mentality of…. this is just who I am. 

It’s easy to get trapped in that train of thought, to forget that there lies something beyond the exterior scrub, but it’s something I’m trying to check myself on. There’s always going to be excuses, but I’m trying to remember that I used to be that hot chick, with the tight-ass pencil skirt and 3 inch heels that seduced her Husband into marrying her and knocking her up 10 years later. I’m trying to remind myself the importance of self-care, whether it’s by getting a pedicure, facials, brushing my hair once in a while, and putting on a little make-up even if I am just going on a Target run.

The other day, I got pregnancy jeans and loose shirts. While my reasoning was that me and Husband were going out to dinner at a place where sweats would probably be unacceptable, just the act of buying something to make myself look decent, and then doing my make-up a little bit, made me feel so much better about myself.  I didn’t look like the hot office chick, but I did look like the hot pregnant wifey.

Things I like this week:

Kylie Lip Kits This isn’t necessarily a think that I like quite yet, but something that I bought since they started selling her lip kits at Ulta and I had a 20 % coupon. Some things to note, this is a matte lip deal, so if you have cracked and dry  lips, exfoliate or it will not look good.  Even after exfoliating, it may not look good

Starbucks Peppermint Mochas – It’s cold enough in the desert for hot holiday drinks, which makes me happy because to me, hot drinks and soups go hand in hand with Christmas

Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 2 The second season of the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel came out last week. I had tried to convince Husband to watch it after the first season, but he scoffed at the idea because he thought name was stupid name for a show.  However, after hearing it recommended on a podcast he listens to, he decided to give it a chance. The when season 2 came out last week, was like Isn’t Season 2 of Mrs Maisel out? 

Anyways, I hope everyone has a great week. I dropped Husband at the airport yesterday for his conference in Seattle, where I will be joining him later on this week. I’m so excited 🙂 I always love my Seattle trips because I get to see the people I love and eat good food.

Until Next time…

Entry 87: What’s in A Name? – Pregnancy Diaries

Husband and I joked about naming our child after a Texas city, since Husband’s name is a city in Texas

Allen? Ehhhh

Dallas? Maybe.

Fortworth? Definitely Maybe.

One rule that me and husband have when thinking of names is how does the name sound when you say it like your kid did something wrong? If it doesn’t sound stupid while you’re trying to be stern, then it becomes a possibility.

For example, would the name Xarelto work?

Xarelto!… Get YO ASS Over here! XA-REL-TO!!!?

I’d say it could work, but I don’t want to name my child after a blood thinning medication

There are a few other unsaid rules I feel that people generally abide by when naming their kid:

1. Do not name your child after an ex.
2. Do not name your child after a stripper or a slutty girl you knew in high school
3. Do not name your child after someone you grew up with that you thought was an idiot
4. Do not name your child after a famous person who is known for something horrible. Like “Adolf”, as in Hitler. Or “Judas” as in Judas Iscariot. I feel like even with this rule, some people don’t do enough research on the people their naming their kid after and name their kids after someone who, yes – they invented bread, but they also were known drug addicts or womanizers
5. Do not name your child a name that will inevitably get them made fun of

Sometimes rule #5 is unpreventable, no matter how hard to you try. Children can be mean little shits with creative minds that will find ways to make fun of other kids you never thought were possible. I know this, because I myself was named after a season, which kids found a way to make fun of.

Winter – where are you seven dwarfs?

Luckily, even at 6, I was smart enough to know how inferiorly lame and illogical the attempted dis was. “Winter” was a season, which had nothing to do with the fairy tale character “Snow White” who had seven friends who were dwarfs. Maybe if the parents of these kids had read to them more, they would have gotten that fact right and their insults would have made sense

On Celebrity Names….

I admire celebrities who name the child names like “Apple”. “Stormy”. “North”. “Sir”. “Bear”

Even on my best day, I would never be able to think of a name like the ones celebrities think of. Maybe I’m just not that creative. Or maybe it’s that I don’t have “fuck you” money where if someone were to make fun of my child’s name, I could just be “Fuck you… I have more money than you, so whatever.”

Although, there was an incident that happened recently with a lady who was upset because some Southwest employees were making fun of her kid named “ABCDE” (Pronounced AB-CITY). The mom looks completely normal, so maybe you don’t need to be rich to think of interesting names.

We have been referring to our child as “Winston”, as that is a fusion of both mine and Husband’s names. It sounds distinguished, but it’s not the name we’re going with.  We have something in mind, but haven’t quite made it official, but we promise.. it is based after a Texas city.

There is a lot of intention that comes with the act of naming, but at the end of the day, a name is a name. While I think there exists the slight hope that who or what you are naming becomes infused with the positive characteristics of who the name is after, very rarely does that occur. Just because someone is named George Washington, doesn’t mean they’re going to be president or a war hero Same goes with if a person happens to have a stripper name; it doesn’t mean they are one.  At the end of the day, people define their own definition and identity to their name, not the other way around.

Things I like this Week:

Cricut– I’ve been obsessed with my new cricut Husband got me a few weeks ago, making Christmas cards and thinking of what other things I can make.  I wonder why I never got one years ago.

Bumpin Mikes – This is a new comedy special on Netflix with Jeff Ross and Dave Patell. There’s only a few episodes, but they bring on celebrity guests like Paul Rudd (my middle school girl celebrity crush) and roast them, roast each other, roast audience members. Seriously, I laughed so hard, my belly hurt.

Fruit – I know this is a random thing to put, but I feel have never ate so much fruit in my life. I think it’s a pregnancy thing.

I hope everyone has a great rest of their week. With the holidays coming up, I’m trying to get the rest of my Christmas shopping done and get my cards out, and also prep for my Seattle trip.  I also decided not to make the road trip to Kansas this year for Christmas, really because I just want to nest and chill and don’t know how I’ll fare being 7 months pregnant, driving 10 hours a day for 4 days (2 days there, 2 days back) . Husband is going after Christmas for a few days,  but apparently my niece got really upset I’m not going. I feel bad… how do you make it up to 8 year old? Ideas?

Anyways, until next time.

 

Entry 86: Happy Voting Day – Voting Day Annoyances

I hate it when people accost me while I’m doing something like getting groceries or trying to do some sort of errand and are like..”Did you vote yes for PROPOSITION 1-Twenty Something?!?!

It’s a question that always catches me by surprise, as I’m usually just trying to get bananas.

Sometimes, I have no idea what they’re talking, and sometimes I do, but their eyes are always filled with judgement, ready to virtue signal if you disagree with them. I always find myself ignoring them and pretending I can’t hear. That tends to get interpreted to me not caring and a moment of virtual signaling.

So you don’t care about the children of our future.. I bet you don’t even like puppies…Do you even care about the PUPPIES!?!? You are a horrible human being because you don’t support what I support!

Of course I care about the kids and puppies, and while I do feel some guilt for ignoring them

A. I didn’t go to a Safeway to talk politics. I just need eggs.

B. It’s really none of anyone’s business what or who I vote for.

Besides, don’t they say that politics and religion are the two things that you’re not supposed to discuss with people? It can make or break relationships, which is kind of sad, but luckily I have a good set of friends who I can have open discussions with, have disagreements with, and who challenge me on my thinking (You know who you is )

Anyways, I hope everyone gets out there and votes. While it may seem like the vote of one person doesn’t matter, the way I see it, you don’t get to complain about a pothole on the road if you didn’t do your part to have a say in it.

Things I like this week:

Entry 85: What if I was Pregnant, And Single…?

I had this dream a few weeks ago where I was out with a bunch of friends, and this guy was trying to get my number.

I was in the early stages of pregnancy and I hadn’t quite told everyone. In my dream, there was no Husband. No Baby Daddy. I had just gotten pregnant somehow ( like, no big deal) and while I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I was presented with this dilemma :

Do I tell him I’m pregnant? Or just give him my number and see what happens?

I began to over-analyze the situation.

Well, if I don’t tell him I’m knocked up, worse case scenario…we could maybe go out a few times, but he would find out eventually… because I would eventually start showing. But maybe at that point it wont matter because maybe he’ll like me for me regardless of the fact that I had been knocked up by who knows who. Or… I tell him now, but he potentially might not want to go out with me...What do I do?

Then I woke up.

They say that dreams are a pathway into your subconscious, that it weirdly brings to light thoughts, feelings, anxieties, and reveals desires that are normally suppressed into the very corner of your being, locked up and stored away so that your conscious self, the one that you are aware of, can basically deal with life.

So what was this dream trying to tell me? That I want to go back in the dating world?

Oh God no. I completely reject that idea. I mean, I know there are people who are in that situation – pregnant and trying to date – but I wouldn’t know where to begin, especially if I was pregnant. Hypothetically, if I was pregnant and single, (and we’re talking about the actual me, not dream me) dating would probably not be my focus and I would probably be trying to make sure I got my life together before my kid was born. Unless I got pregnant because I was being a hoe (like dimension B dream-me) then it would be safe to assume that my life was a mess to begin with, and I probably would not have the foresight to figure out how to be a good parent.

I told a gym buddy about my dream.

“Girrrl,” she said. “Men… love them pregnant women.”

Well, what she actually said was “Men love them some pregnant p***y”

Whaaaa? I was unsure if she was joking

“Hmmmmhmmm…” she went on. Another girl we were with nodded on agreement. “They do.. it’s cuz they know they can’t get you pregnant.”

She said it as a matter of fact, like this was one of the truths that her 40 years of life had taught her and which she had decided was a wisdom that needed to be imparted on me. So that I, at 20 weeks pregnant, if anything, would have this. I looked at her in disbelief as my legs, though standing, tightened closer together. The question of whether this was true lingered, but I didn’t press further for supporting evidence. I knew she had a few kids, had been divorced four times, while I had lived a very sheltered life. So … maybe she knew about these things?

I continued to over-analyze the dream: What was up with not having a Husband? or even a baby daddy who wanted to be there for their kid? And it wasn’t a big deal? Dream-me was not making smart decisions, but at least I was committed to keeping the kid.

Fortunately, none of it is a reflection of reality. Maybe I should just be grateful with that instead of dwelling on something that is just a dream, especially a weird dream. Sometimes you really can’t make any sense of the internal chaos that dreams try to situate.

Things I like this Week:

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: So this version is nothing like the Melissa Joan Hart Version of the 90s; it’s edgier, dark, but not overly scary where you can’t watch this by yourself. I say, give it a try. It’s a good show to have on in the background. If you like Riverdale (that CW show based on the Archie comics), you’ll like this since it’s from the same producers.

Anastasia Sultry Palette: My newest palette in my eye shadow collection. I really should stop buying eye shadow palettes because I really buy more than I use, but the packaging for this is so sparkly, and I’m a sucker for sparkley stuff. I haven’t dipped into it yet, but will soon since it looks like it’s the perfect colors for the holidays.

Other things… Husband’s back from Spain but next week he goes to Chile. Wish I could go with him, but I’m studying frantically for my Fitness certificate. I had this grand idea to get a certification 6 months ago and now that I’m pregnant all I want to do is nest and look at baby shit. But push on I must, because my free certification test is next month. Baah. Wish me luck

Until next time…