Entry 9: Winter is Coming

I get two reactions whenever I pull the Winter is Coming line:

Those fans of the TV show ‘Game of Thrones’ fans often give me a sly smile in kudos of my wit as they put two and two together; my name being Winter, and ‘Winter is coming’  being a prophesied line said throughout the show. What exactly it means? No one really knows.

Then there are those  who automatically think of the sexually inappropriate, and in response give me a Winter! Here? Right Now?!? So dirty… look.

I’m sorry to disappoint those who opened this post expecting to read my predictions to next seasons Game of Thrones. Although, I don’t think Jon Snow died. I mean, he can’t have died, right?? He’s supposed to be the chosen one !

And to those who were expecting to read about my latest sexcapade. Well… lets just say, if my husband had a petronus (Harry Potter reference) – it would be an Italian Stallion. ::wink wink::

No, what I mean when I say that I’m coming – is that I’m coming home!! To Seattle, that is.

I know that it’s only been a month, but I’ve been thinking about this trip back since even before I even moved. I told my husband -who always gives me the best Christmas and birthday presents- that I wanted tickets to see my family and friends now and for every special occasion.

I can say that I’m not excited about the rain. While the rain never bugged me while I lived there, I never really knew how depressing it is until I  lived in constant sunshine.

But no big deal. My time will be full of friends and family and laughter and food and more good company.  And at end of the day, the rain will get zero fucks from me.

My biggest hope is that I’ll meet someone famous in the airport.  You always hear stories about someone you don’t really know why you’re friends with, meeting someone super famous and you’re like... dammit. if I was really good friends with this person, maybe I would be with them meeting this super cool person, but I’m always the person on the other side reading about how so-and-so met Wiz Khalifa, or so-and-so caught of whif of Ryan Gosling’s scent (omg! status update: he smelled like the summer breeze after drinking a margarita…mixed with the Holidays)

Every other year when  I go to Kansas for Christmas, I have this wishful thought that somehow I’ll meet Paul Rudd at the airport, because he’s from Kansas and apparently his mom still lives there. I know this because he was interviewed after a KC Royal baseball game and they were like..Your team just won!! How are you going to celebrate? and he was like.. uhm, go to my mom house?

I have no idea what I’d say to him, but I’d imagine we’d talk about Clueless, and how for some girls (not me of course), he was one of their first movie crushes Although, later on in life when I tried to calculate how old he was supposed to be  in the movie (wasn’t he in law school?)  and how old Alicia Silversone’s character was supposed to be (high school), it kind of weirded me out that his character might’ve been a cradle robber.

But so far, I’ve been to Kansas for 5 Christmases, and I still haven’t met Paul Rudd, but maybe on my way to Seattle I’ll meet someone else, like Brendon Fraser. Just kidding. I guarentee if I did do a selfie with him, half of everyone would be like wait, who’s that guy?  No, it has to be more relevant of a celebrity, someone that everyone will recognize and will be like.. Holy shit Winter, that’s so cool and awesome. Did you shake his hand?  Was he shorter in person? 

Well, we shall see if it happens that way. Right now, I’m just excited to see some of my favorite people, even if it’s just for a couple of days.


Entry 8: Perspectives

I found myself Facebook stalking the other day.

I know, Facebook stalking should be beneath me, but it happens. Even when you don’t have all the time in the world, it happens.  Sometimes, that curiosity of who’s this chick that so and so is dating ? or Whatever happened to that one guy who I thought was the coolest? I guess he’s not so cool anymore… – gets the better of me.

The FB stalking started off with me looking at a friends’ status update, which led me to me going on to seeing who ‘liked’ their comment, which led to me seeing their friends’ list, which then led me to seeing who the friends of the friends were.

It was a snowball effect that in reality took 20 minutes of my life, but long story short – I happened to come across the page of this guy who I had gone to high school with.

You might be thinking: ooo, what’s his name? Was he cute? Did u you have a crush on him? Is he a complete loser now?  Do I know him?!?!

Questions which I will leave unanswered.  What I will say is, I had a few classes with him; he was part of the cool kids club so he didn’t really talk to me, except on occasion to ask me to pass him a syllabus or something to that effect.

Of the few rare times that he graced my ears with his words, there was one interaction that stuck with me.

You can’t everything your way, Winter

I don’t quite remember the whole context of why it was said.  All I remember was thinking, what the fuck are you talking about?  

It was the most random, negative thing that anyone had said to me at that point in life. It would be one thing if this was said by someone who knew me, talked to me on a regular basis, and was giving me a reality check, but he had barely talked to me throughout high school; he was completely basing his summary of me on 3rd person perspectives made during math class.  So yes, if by having things my way he meant, I always wanted A’s in life.. I would have to agree with that.

But I don’t think that’s what he meant, and 15 years later, when I think of it, it still bugs me that I don’t know what the fuck he was talking about.

A part of me wishes I could ask him so I can finally be at peace with it, and then I would tell him all the reasons why he got it all wrong (I volunteer at church! I help kids!  One time when I was like, lets go hangout at this place and my friend was like.. no-I kind of want to go here…and I was totally okay with it and we did what she wanted to do!).

The other part of me is just like, It doesn’t matter. Get over it Winter – it was 15 years ago.

In all seriousness,  while I am dwelling on this now, I really rarely dwell on it at all; it only comes up when I FB stalk and come across his page ;). While I do get a little riled about it, I can’t help but wonder if there was any truth to what he said. i start thinking thoughts about how I see myself as a person, and whether or not my actions reflect my own self-perception. It could be that while I didn’t think I was that kid who wanted things their way all the time, he-who-is-unnamed perhaps saw me in instances where I was. Or maybe he just interpreted it all wrong. I don’t know.

What I do know, is that I have no control over what happened or how I was 15 years ago, and life happens and people change, so there is no use on dwelling on the past.  I can only control my actions and who I am as a person now, which I hope portrays me as the awesome person I think I am. I get not everyone is going to think that, but that’s okay, because the people and friends that matter will.

Entry 7: Goodbye WA License

They punched a hole in my Washington state license.

With that, I feel like the Arizona Motor Vehicle Department, punched a hole in the corner of my heart.

So dramatic, right?  But with the holidays here and me and Austin kind of riding solo in Tucson, little things are starting to make the fact that we’ve moved more real. I mean, it’s been real; we’ve been here for almost a month, but it’s like I’ve been trying to hold on to every connection I can with my  WA home.

Seriously, when my license changed, all these vulnerabilities that had been dormant these past few months started to emerge.

Like the fact that we’re pretty much riding solo in the desert. In Washington, we had amazing friends and family, and this great sense community that we’d nurtured and been a part of for years.  I have no doubt we will get that sense of belonging here eventually, but we haven’t quite gotten there yet.

It also makes me sad that I won’t be a part of my friends’ everyday lives; like I see facebook status updates and I’m just like I wish I was there to eat that pie with you!  or I wish I was there to help you finish that bottle of wino, but I’m not so I’ll guess I’ll just open this bottle here and it’ll kind of be like I’m drinking with you. 

I suppose that’s life though; nothing ever stays the same. It is ever- changing and with that change, people go on and live their lives.

One of my fears that I’ve realized these past couple of weeks is losing touch with friends; I moved states once before in 6th grade, then moved schools in high school, and then went to college, and it was so easy to lose touch with the friends that you thought were going to be your sidekicks for life. Of course now, it’s so much easier to stay connected, but it’s still easy to veer away. I’ve realized that if I want to keep my relationships, I have to try.  It’s so much easier to let it go, but I’ve learned  that all the important things take effort to keep alive. And – I’m going to get even more sentimental than I already am – all my Seattle friends were the best. Just saying.

At the same time, I won’t let this hinder me from meeting new people, I undoubtedly will meet more awesome people that will be the best, I will just make sure I won’t forget the old.

I know, so many feelings all from getting a hole punched in my license, but that’s how my brain / emotions work; it starts off some place random, and that random thing just opens up this cornicorpia of emotions that may or may not be related.

This flow of emotions was bound to happen; but I think that because I had been so busy, my feelings had not had time to process, and now that I have more time – it’s coming down like a heavily gushing waterfall. I just need to stop chasing the waterfall, like how the great 90’s R&B group TLC suggested in their one song “Waterfalls”.

Which brings me to a tangent that makes me want to dissect the song now that it has popped in my head. I mean, if you only stick to the “rivers and lakes that you’re used to”, you never really get anywhere in life, right? so maybe it’s better to chase waterfalls? Or maybe they were talking about it in the perspective of being greedy and not appreciating what you have.

I don’t know where I was going with that, but perhaps I’ll just leave it with that. What the hell was TLC talking about ?

  Yet another tangent from getting my license hole-punched.

Until next time…

Entry 6: I Finally Made It to Church

I have a confession: I haven’t been to church in months.

::Queue in sounds of shock and disappointment::

My excuse? I was busy prepping for a move and I didn’t have anyone to go to church with.

::Queue in more sounds of shock and disappointment, followed by comments of come-on Winter, really?:: 

I know, I know. No excuses. It’s not like I was prepping  to move every day. I can’t lie as there is plenty of evidence on Facebook updating the world that I was coloring, watching football games, and hanging with friends on Sundays as opposed to hanging with Jesus. Ugh I feel horrible now, and  Jesus is probably like… uhm, I had nails hammered into my hands and feet and had to die … so….

But I made it to church last week! and the week before that!  So we’re good.  I’m back on track. We are good.

It wasn’t hard to find a church in Tucson. My husband had been going to this church closest to the house we just bought even before I moved, but out of curiosity  I OKGoogled ‘Catholic Churches’, and a bunch of churches popped up. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised considering we’re right by the border with more of a Hispanic Catholic population, but I guess I have just been used to churches being more spread out in the burbs of Seattle.

While at church, I was able to count how many Asian people attended the mass I went to with two hands.

Which you’re probably like,  tssk tsk. shouldn’t you have been praying instead of counting Asians?

To which I say, Good point, and I really have nothing to say in my defense, but I did it. I  counted ….and there weren’t that many, in case you were curious. 

All my life I have been used to going to churches that have had large Asian followings that I could blend in; being in a church where there wasn’t that many was a  reminder that I had been living in a complete bubble and that not everything is like how it is in Seattle.

Actually, a lot of things that I’ve seen and experienced since I’ve moved have been a reminder of that bubble. Not drastically  big things, but small things. For instance, the amount of of huge-ass American flags I’ve seen waving around that have made me and my husband say ‘wow, that is a huge-ass flag.  I’ve only been in Tucson for a week and I’ve said that out loud like 5 times already.

And Quicktrips.  I went into a Quicktrip after church, which is a convenient gas station and was like.. Whoa, this place has pizza, taquitos, and a smoothie/espresso shop? This is so much better than AMPM. Where have you been all my life? I was literally mindblown.

Anyways, life update?  Currently, it’s exciting in the holy-shit-I-have-mounds-of-boxes-to-go-through. Which isn’t the worse thing the world; I’d rather be doing something else besides opening boxes, but it’s a rite of passage when moving that everyone must go through I suppose.

Until next time…