Entry 12 : Stunner Shades

I lost my Tom Fords sunglasses

I know, I know. I can’t help but sigh in dismay when I think about it.

My Tom Fords, gone.

Long story short. I was wearing a Seahawks hat, on which my sunglasses were sitting on, during the weekend of the NFC/AFC divisional championship. The Seahawks weren’t playing, but I was reppin my team with a hat and tee, and for whatever reason, random people kept messing with my hat. Consequently, my sunglasses fell off never to be seen again.

Queue in another sigh of dismay.

I loved those sunglasses. I remember hearing the Jay Z song, “Tom Ford” for the first time and while I didn’t have a clue what “molly” was (as was referenced in the song),  I did know that I thoughtt Jay-Z was cool, I liked the song, and I wanted Tom Ford sunglasses so I could be the cool kid who walked in the club with them on as the song was playing. A week later, my husband bought me Tom Fords so I could live that dream, not just in the club – but in the privacy of my home, in my car, at work, and basically everywhere. It was great.

But they are lost, and since then, I had been wearing these sunglasses that my Husband had gotten from the dentist’s office to block the light out of his eyes while the dentist looked at his teeth. I literally did not know they were from the dentist until a few days ago and I am embarrassed for thinking they were kind of like Oakley’s

After losing my sunglasses, I contemplated what I wanted next and scowered Pinterest for inspiratiom on what would potentially look good on my face. Diors? Tori Burch? or maybe some Ray-Bans?

Yet in my the midst of my search,  there was an inner conflict that was factored by 2 things.

  1. I don’t have a job
  2. Did I really need designer Shades? Why not ones from Target?

The ‘me’ of my early 20’s would have never had a conflict with this; she would’ve  bought the stunner shades without a second’s thought and paid the bill later.  On the other hand, the ‘me’ of now, the one that is a few years into her 30’s and  (arguably) wiser and smarter doesn’t make such haste decisions.

On the matter of not having a job…

I realize how blessed I am to not have work and to have a husband who holds the chivalrous belief that his role as a husband is to take care of his wife and family (and is able to fulfill that role)  With that being said, I have been passively trying to to find job. With what? I’m not completely sure. I guess I’m still trying to find myself and perhaps muster enough courage to do something that I know I could be good enough if I just let myself try.

And we’ll leave it at that.

On Matter #2…

I keep asking myself, what is it about designer things that make me want them?  Why not get sunglasses from Target that serve the same purpose? I’ve heard it said that you get what you pay for, but I feel like it’s true up until a certain point; sometimes when paying hundreds and thousands of dollars, you basically pay for a name brand that society has placed importance on.

But I have this knack for picking out the most expensive thing out there, even without knowing if they’re name brand or not. Husband and I will often do this thing where we’re looking at something random and we’re like, which do you like better? It could be couches, shoes, appliances, you name it, and I will (9 times out of 10) pick out the most expensive thing, and then I’m always like…Oy ! I picked out the expensive thing again didn’t I? 

The thing is, I’m really trying not to be materialistic. I’m trying not to place importance on stuff and having it define me, but I want a new Tori Burch purse. There, I said it. I want a Tori Burch purse!

I can’t deny that I feel an elevated confidence when attired with something of value. I feel good and I look good. Even when I don’t have make-up on and have just rolled out of bed, having something like a nice purse, lulu lemon pants,  or stunner shades on, neutralizes the fact that I look like shit.

Then again, maybe society has brainwashed me into thinking that I need this, that I need designer things in order to feel good about myself  because really, I don’t have much self-confidence.

Holy shit, I feel like I just went to therapy.

You can see my struggle with this: I really don’t have any answers. I’m not saying that one shouldn’t have nice things, because I do believe that the life one lives should reflect whatever hard work and success was put in it. What I am saying is that for myself, I’m not going to let things  define me; there’s more to me and life than  what I wear and have.

With that being said, Husband gifted me with new Burberry sunglasses.

I know what you’re thinking, don’t let them define you , Winter! Don’t let them!

But they were a gift and they’re really cool, and they say “Burberry” without saying “Burberry”!  I know that doesn’t make sense, but if you saw them, you’d know what I’m talking about.

But Yea, I know. Don’t let them define me.

The struggle is really folks. The struggle is real.