Entry 14: Making Friends

The other day husband was like… we should hang out with our dentist.

Me : The young one? The one that just moved from Boston? 

Husband: Yea, he and his girlfriend like hiking.

I began to mentally visualize how “asking him out” would go.

I imagined me, calling his office to have the following conversation with the front desk lady:

Can I speak to… Dentist Bob … There’s no dentist Bob? uhhh.. who’s the guy that just moved from Boston in January? … oh, he’s not from Boston… well, okay. The new guy.. yea.. can I be connected? 

and once connected to the dentist whose name I thought was “Bob”, I would be like

yea I know this sounds weird but… you and your girlfriend are new…we’re new… you seem cool…you want to go hike sometime? 

I understand if you felt awkward reading that; I felt awkward writing it… and then just reread and felt awkward all over again. But knowing me, that is exactly how that conversation would go.

The thing is, I’ve never been good at starting conversations with random people. I’ve always been that girl who introverted into a corner or blended in the background of a crowd while the social people socialized. Maybe after a few drinks, you could catching me in a Game of Thrones debate,  but then again that debate would still be occurring in the back corner of a crowd.

(Sidetrack: Since we touched on the Game of Thrones topic, someone tell me.. is John Snow dead? Or is he alive? I know I’ve harped on this question before,  but it’s been bugging me for like a year..and if you think he’s dead why the heck is he in all the promos that Peter Dinklage (Tyrian)has been posting on his Facebook page. Yes I’m not going to lie, I follow Tyrian)

But seriously, making new friends in a new place  where you know no one (as an adult) is like dating: you’re forced to go places, make yourself presentable, and break out of your comfort zone to strike up conversations.  While some people are naturally outgoing and find dating easy peasy, Lord knows it was something I was never good at.

I mean, if you look at my non-impressive resume, it quotes me at having officially dated 3 people in my entire life, and the number of times of having been hit on, being a guestimated number of… well? … Let’s say 5. (5 is not a lot but doesn’t seem pathetic, right? ). Whether or not those particular times can be labeled as “being hit on”is subjective as it is a proven fact that I am horrible at reading  flirtatious signs unless someone literally says hey, you’re cute. I’m hitting on you. Right now. 

It is also a said fact that I have natural don’t-talk-to-me- bitch face when casually doing day to day things, like crossing the street, picking out candy in the candy aisle, or cutting out coupons from a newspaper. So perhaps more credit is due to those 5 individuals that were brave enough to  even talk to me, flirting or not.

I know, I know. If I want to make friends, I need to make an effort to put myself in social situations, I need to put that bitch face away, comb my hair, go put some pants on,  and stop getting sucked into Spanish talk shows that I can’t even understand (but I can’t stop! his girlfriend is cheating on him with his brother?!? …or is it cousin ? wait.. hermano means brother so it has to be the brother!!!…ay dios mio!!).

Once out there, the question becomes how do you start  a random conversation with random people? 

I’ve come up with a few conversation starters for making friends at the gym:

Are you using this equipment? 

I like your tattoo.

Your shoes are really cute.

and … the one that I think in my head, but am on the fence of actually telling a random girl lest she might think I swing that way:

I just want to say …that you are so fit. 

I don’t know…maybe the difficulty of it all is just in my head and I should just let whatever will be, be knowing that life has the tendency to gravitate people to form friendships. These things take time and effort to cultivate and I can’t expect in instant local bosom buddy (To quote Anne of Green Gables) to randomly share my deepest secrets, like the fact that I’ve been putting off wearing shorts because a. I haven’t shaved my legs in a couple of weeks, and b. I’m self-conscious about the color of my legs being much lighter than my arms. Ugh… I know! I can only wear jeans for so long before it gets too hot here.

Back to the topic friends, we’ve only been here a few months and have already made a few awesome and amazing friends  that we hang out with (you know who you is!) so I think we’re on a good start.   Yea …I’ll continue put away that bitch face to make myself more approachable and converse in random conversation with the confidence that the we’re some pretty cool people and will make more awesome friends in no time. I mean, I’m a decent cook. I’m pretty dorky which some people find  endearing. If you like shopping , I like to shop.  We like to hike, and work out a lot. We like craft brews, and vino, and I like to color and do crafty stuff. We like Game of Thrones and Walking Dead, and we have  a pool. …Shit, I’d want to hang out with us. lol.

Yea, we’ll  will have all the friends in no time.



Entry 13: The nonjealous wifey

I always think it’s funny when girls are like Girl, you better check yo’ man, some female is trynna get all up in that. 

(Sidenote, as I wrote that, I did a little headbobbing. You know, the kind of head-bob that you see girls do when they’re on Jerry Springer and they’re like oh heelllll no ! after they receive some kind of bad news. Like the fact their man has an illegitimate child – who is also illiterate. And then I reread it again, and did more head-bobbing while holding out a finger, this time an active one. It’s a shame no one was around to witness it. But really, you can’t read it without doing at the very least, a mental head-bob/and or finger… and if you didn’t do it before, reread and see if you do it)

The thing is, I’ve never been the jealous girl who will walk across a room to link arms with my significant other whenever I see him talking to another girl in order to put my claim on him. Nor am I the girl who will claw her face out if she doesn’t back off (bitch you better recognize!). I am the girl who is like… wait someone is hitting on my Husband? Is she cute? and then I start giggling and watching it all happen like a social anthropological observation.

Truth is, you can’t control what other girls do or say, and you can’t control what your significant other will do and say or what’s going on in their brains, but there’s this thing called respect and trust and if you really think that your significant other would actually  do something, well… maybe the deeper meaning as to why you think that would occur should be addressed.

I’m no relationship expert; I have a hard enough time getting what I’m feeling out there unless it’s a feeling ..I’m hungry… And you might ask, hungry for what? Well, that is where we come across a another issue. Am I hungry because my body is in need of nutrients? or am I hungry because I just want to stuff my face with something. Either way, the next question becomes the what? I mean, I always want to eat cookies and brownies and drink starbucks everyday, but the calories??!? What about the calories?!?!

It’s exasperating, I know.

But I digress.

As I was saying, I’m no relationship expert, but the way I see it, it’s just props to me for picking such a dashingly attractive human being.

Anyways, I will end this entry with the following conversation I had with the same hot girls who called me pretty.

Girl : Omg, it is so refreshing to find a female who doesn’t get jealous. 

Me: Really? 

Girl 2: Omg, yea…. there are so many jealous bitches out there. I love you. 

Me : I think I like you too…. Imma get you a drink. … Husband! Get these girls a drink!