This morning I got a phone call from a recruiter saying that I had gotten the job that he submitted my resume for and that my start date would be on Monday.
The thing was, I didn’t feel too excited about it. It was happening too fast, too soon, and I would hardly call accounting work as something I’m passionate about. I know what you’re thinking: Why even agree with letting the recruiter submit my resume to begin with? The thing is, I’ve been trying to figure out what I want. I’m 30-something and still have this dilemma. Ever since I was younger, I wanted to write. Later, I found a love for taking pictures. If I’m being honest, those two things drive my soul and burn a fire within me, but the question has always been – could I make something out it? Whether it’s because of my fear of failure or something else, I never could quite figure it out how. So I took jobs that paid decently, but truly didn’t make me happy.
When I moved – it was like a fresh beginning for figuring out what I could do that would make me happy, but am conflicting with my want to be able to make money, buy things, and go places. After all, this is what our culture drives into our psyche of what success is. I have been internally conflicted with this.
So this morning, I accepted the job, and a few hours later – called the recruiter back saying that I couldn’t take the job due to personal reason. I have probably severed any chance of getting a job through this agency again and am left questioning whether I made the right choice.
I feel bad that I wasn’t more honest to begin with, but it is done. I can’t go back , but I’m left with no job, and am still at the place where I’m still trying to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life.
Is it weird that I’m reaching to the internet for advise and a cyber hug saying that it’ll be alright?
Anyways, until next time….