Entry 44: Sit, Stand, Kneel, Don’t Show Up – You Can’t Win

This flag/anthem controversy is everywhere . 

What I’ve concluded after listening to political podcasts, reading articles, and watching the news is… you can’t win. If you sit, kneel, don’t show up –  to the right, you’re linked with Colin Kaepernick and you’re not honoring the flag. If you stand and disagree with the kneelers, sitters, and non-showers, to the left you’re somehow linked with Trump who represents racism and bigotry and everything against free speech.

I was watching this news blip on how the Cowboys tried to strategically stand with the NFL in their protest, while honoring the flag. They had meetings days before the game with everyone on the team to try to figure out how they could get their message out, without offending anyone. They ended up kneeling before the anthem even began and got boo’d, and then stood during the national anthem. It didn’t matter that they stood during the anthem,  taking a knee regardless of when the knee was taken, was associated that with Colin Kaep. and the NFL, and that didn’t sit well.

Another player from the Steelers, Alejandro Villanueva stood at the tunnel during the anthem while his team were in the lockerroom..  I heard some people, including people in his team, thought it was disrespectful he didn’t stay in the locker rooms with his team.  But if he hadn’t, people from the Right would wonder why he didn’t stand.

You can’t win. Someone, somewhere is bound to have a problem.

I brought up this point earlier in the week  about how it’s funny that people can have so much in common, get along so well, can laugh, watch ‘This is Us’ and cry about it together, go out and have a beer, but the moment when disagreeing politics or religion comes into play – they become enemies. People get so passionate about these two topics, that the commonalities that had once linked a fellow human being to another becomes forgotten.  Until disaster strikes, then humanity kicks in for a few moments… although even then people can be mean with their whole “God is taking away all the Trump supporters with the Hurricanes”.

I think it’s important to remember in the midst of this divide, that an individual’s convictions are products of their experiences and social-economic background that has defined their values and fears. But at the heart it, they are people just like everyone else : they pay bills, have to work a job, watch Game of Thrones and were all like What the Fuck when Hodor died, and experience emotions of love and anger just like every other human being.

That being said, I stood for the anthem when it came on at the bar I was at last Sunday.

I stood…not because I’m racist or don’t believe there’s issues that need to be addressed, or don’t believe in freedom of speech, or am product of white privilege (which someone can explain that to me if I am)  and I didn’t vote for Trump (really I think he should just his keep mouth shut and not tell private entities what to do and focus on not being such a horrible President), but I stood because of my values and conviction in what the flag represents. While I will respectively disagree with those who don’t stand, I come from a standpoint of understanding that even though we may have differing opinions, that doesn’t make anyone who disagrees with me a lesser person than me. I believe we’re all trying to push for a better future for the country and don’t think that there’s a person out there who is doing what they’re doing with the mentality that they want to bring America down – except for extreme terrorists. That’s another story.

Anyways, that is all for now. I probably stirred some pots, some people’s cursor  are probably hovering over the ‘defriend’ button, but not before they write a comment on how I am incorrect . They’ll type in the last sentence saying  something like “You’re horrible for standing and you don’t understand the struggle of the black community because of white privilege”.  then they’ll defriend me a half a second after they hit the send comment button. Or maybe they won’t comment at all and just de-friend me.

I really hope people don’t de-freind in real life me because I stood; I can be fun and personally think I’m awesome, but what can you do…it’s not the end of world…  you can’t win with people sometimes.

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Entry 43: Becoming Older… and Apparently More Parent-y

Every Sunday for me and my family is Football Sunday. And when it’s not football season, it’s Walking Dead Sunday, and then Game of Thrones Sunday. And if neither of those shows are on, me and husband look at each and are like, none of the shows we like are on… what do you want to do? At which point, we filter through HBO, Prime, or Netflix, and if nothing on those services appeal to our interest, we watch Big Bang Theory.

Luckily, we have not faced that roadblock since it is football season. This past Sunday night football, we had a few friends over, and extended the invitation to a few friends of a friend.

At the end of the night, one of the extended friends, who is 23 years old, was like you guys don’t have any kids? (A : Uhm, I think you would’ve seen them if we did) ..oh… cuz you guys are like.. parent-y.

I don’t think he meant it in a negative way, or at least I certainly didn’t take it that way. The only reasons I can think of why he said it was maybe because a. we’re a whole decade older than him or b. we’re good hosts and fed him.

Whatever the reason, in my head – I was like, parent-y? when did that happen? Especially since I myself don’t think I have the maturity of a parent, let alone an adult. Maybe if I showed him my adult coloring book collection, or the hello kitty socks that I have in my drawer, he would think otherwise.

Or not.

Earlier that evening, a commercial came on for The Voice.

23 year old :  I don’t even know who the black chick is.

Me: That’s Jennifer Hudson… she was on American Idle

::Blank stare::

I have accepted that this will happen more and more the older that I get: having to explain pop culture and events of yesteryear that will be met with blank stares. I am anticipating that the day when I have to explain who NSync and the BackStreet Boys are will come fairly soon. It will be a day that will hurt my heart, but one which I will gladly take the time to explain the cultural phenom that was.

It makes me think about how my teachers in high school tried to explain world events that they lived through – like the Berlin Wall coming down. Or how my mom’s face would light up whenever she saw Donny Osmond on tv , and how I myself met them with stares of yea, I know you’ve lived through this, and I can see you feel a certain way, but I can’t exactly share your emotion. 

Ehh, it is what it is. It’s all a part of getting older… and becoming parent-y .. I suppose.

Until next time…

 

Entry 42: Rice is Rice

I was at the local grocery store buying the weeks groceries. As I was checking out, the cashier commented on the bag of rice I was purchasing.

“Is that brand good?” she asked

I gave her a look of confusion

“Is that what Asians eat?”

“I don’t know,” I responded. “It’s fine?”

I found it funny that she thought that in some way I was qualified to speak on behalf of all Asians, or that all Asians are alike. I mean, I am Asian, I look Asian, but if one is also basing their definition of “Asian” on existing stereotypes, I don’t think I meet all the check boxes:  I’m not good at math, I’m not a child musical prodigy, and if you ask me cultural questions or what Asians do to celebrate what.. I wouldn’t know how to explain a lot it.

But in regards to this rice-buying, I think if I was more Asian, I would’ve gone out of my way to travel 40 minutes to the only Asian market in town comparable to the ones back in Seattle, to grab a bag of rice. That’s what my dad would’ve have done. He’s one of those who’s hardcore about where and what brand of rice he buys.  If he saw me buying a bag from a grocery store whose “Asian section” consists of a few shelves filled fortune cookies, Top Ramen, and soy sauce, he would probably look at me with shame, wondering what he did wrong.

And then he would probably make me put it back and drive that 40 minutes to get proper rice.

But alas, He’s not here and I was lazy, and ultimately I was okay with buying rice from the regular grocery store. This did, however, make me think how there’s so much of a cultural gap between me and my dad. As much as he tried to raise me and my brother “In the Asian/Filipino way” ,  a lot of the culture and traditions he had grown up with ultimately became lost in us as we became infused with becoming “Americanized”  Not all of it, but enough.  As friends start having kids, it makes me think about how much of the “culture” that was passed on from our parents that we ended up keeping, will be valued and kept by our children?

I don’t know if I’m making sense, but I guess what I’m trying say is – what if my kid not only doesn’t care about where or what brand of rice to buy, but doesn’t like rice at all and is like, gross mom – I’m going to eat this quinoa bowl instead.  or what if they don’t Filipino food in general? I have a cousin who’s half Filipino and he doesn’t like Filipino food, and all I can think of is – how did that happen? And…What if they don’t like to Karaoke?!?!  That would mean that there would be days where I would be the only one in my house, munching on Filipino food, with a karaoke mike in my hand, the other mike sitting on the stand… waiting to have someone pick it up so they could duet with me.

Ehh… I know it’s not the it’s the end of the world if my kids end up different from me.  The more important thing is that they’re healthy, happy, and not a dick. But with regards to passing on culture, I guess the only thing you can really do is try to infuse them with the values and traditions you find important, and hope that they grow to value it as well.

Some other random thoughts I have :

1. Remember that website AsianAvenue?
2. In Seattle, remember when you’d go out on Friday/Saturday and there’d be people taking your picture so you’d end up on that Sea-Spot website or whatever? Is that still a thing?

Anyways…Until next time.

 

Entry 41: Assuming Everyone Else’s Life is Perfect.

A wise friend told me, don’t compare yourself to others, everyone’s got their own issues. 

Seems pretty self-explanatory, something that I know in the deepest corners of my heart, and yet I sometimes find myself forgetting this and getting caught up in what I don’t have, what I’m not doing, or where I’m at in life compared to everyone else.

Social media doesn’t help . Not that I’m trying to blame it or anything, but I can see the toxicity in consuming one’s time in other people’s statuses and photo posts.  While I love seeing updates and pictures of where people have been and what they’ve eaten, I think I tend to subconsciously forget that people generally only post the good stuff that happens and not necessarily the struggles that life brings them. Which I get, I don’t like to advertise the bad shit on the interwebs either, but it doesn’t mean I don’t go through them myself.

What ends up being presented is a partial truth to the reality of life. 

It’s like when I read trashy romance novels that tell stories of  whirlwind romances and sexcapades that leave me with the feeling of – Why doesn’t my husband ravish me like that?!? Or Save me from towers?!?  (Well, because you don’t have a tower,  you do not live in 17th century England, you don’t even like getting your hair pulled, and most of the stuff that goes on in trashy books doesn’t happen in real life. )

So if you’ve ever thought my life is awesome based on all my selfies and social media posts – it is. But surprise. It isn’t perfect. But I need to work on not dwelling on how my life is or isn’t compared to everyone else, but counting the perfect and imperfect blessings that exist.  And if there’s something that’s lacking in my life that bugs me, to ultimately do something about it, instead of dwell. Which is hard, because I’m a chronic dweller.

 

Anyways, I hope everyone has a great week! Nothing exciting is happening to me this week. Does going to Costco count? I don’t know. But … until next time 🙂