Entry 50: The Good and the Bad

A few things have happened this past week:

1. Two of my besties delivered two little handsome baby boys.
2. My dad had a stroke.

I know, that just went from – wow, that’s awesome to …omg. Are you okay? Is your dad okay?  It’s like I just gave you a lollipop and then slapped it out of your hand and ran away with it.

It’s crazy how one moment, life can be filled with the joy of new babies coming into the world, and then the next moment you are reminded that right alongside with that joy, there is the very opposite of that.

That is life, I suppose: it is roundabout never ending cycle of the good times and bad, of happiness and sadness. While I often find myself trying to only latch on to all the joyful things in life ( and trying really hard at avoiding even the thought of confronting anything negative) the negative is unavoidable. This much I have learned.

I have avoided thinking about my parents getting old for a long time just because – no one likes to think about this type of stuff. (shoot, one time husband mentioned how our dogs will no longer be with us, and I started crying at the bar we are at). But now, it has punched me in the mouth and I am forced to face the realities of it all.

Anyways, my dad is doing okay. As of right now, he’s in the hospital getting evaluated so they can have a rehabilitation plan when they dispatch him. As for me, I’m alright. Trying to keep calm so I can be logical and not make emotional decisions.  I’m also trying to keep busy so I don’t dwell, but then find myself doing things like decorating my tree and I get sad because.. well, my parents were supposed to come for Christmas and now my dad won’t get to see my Christmas decor 😦

Ahhh, so sad. I feel like I should end this on some positive things….

A Seattle trip is on the way within the next month or so, although it’s for unfortunate reasons.   But Seattle – I will see you and your rain and traffic- sometime soon.

I really like Jack Daniels Winter Jack… because it has my name in it and tastes like apple juice.

Husband has been really great in the midst of me being really sad, offering really good advice with what to do with my dad, and giving me really comforting hugs, ones that make you want to sink in and hide, even for just a little bit.  What a guy.

Until next time….everyone have a good rest of the week.

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Entry 50: The Good and the Bad

Entry 49 : People Just need to Chill

The other day, I was at Costco, waiting for the light to turn green so I could leave the parking lot. I left enough space between myself and the car in front of me so I wasn’t blocking people from turning into this particular parking aisle that I was by. This car, drives by me (and the 10 other cars behind me) in the right turn only lane, and then cuts in front of me in my own lane.

People are bitches. I mean, there’s bitches all throughout the year, but it seems like right when Thanksgiving is around the corner, they come out in full force and don’t go away until the New Year begins. They’re fighting for parking spots, fighting for apple pies at Costco, arguing about returns, cutting in front of me when I’m trying to be a decent human being and leave space so I’m not blocking a parking aisle.

People need to chill. You’ll get your damn apple pie at some point, and if someone took the last one at Costco, I think you will survive. And I don’t know, maybe the universe is telling you didn’t need that pie, that you should maybe walk off that anxiety and burn off those calories that you would have gotten if you got that apple pie. Just an idea. You’ll probably feel better afterwards.

And that toy that you’re fighting through the lines for and getting angry at everyone else for getting it before you, does this child you’re buying it for really need that toy?  really? I mean, Jesus got gold, frankincense, and myrrh (I had to look up how to spell the last two) You don’t hear any stories about him complaining about why he didn’t get whatever cool toy Jewish kids played with back in the day.

I’m not saying that everyone is horrible during the holidays, there are just those who sometimes forget the whole meaning of Christmas and become dicks to everyone else.  It’s the holidays. Instead of getting your panties all crinkled up in a bunch and stuck up your butt crack over trivial things,  enjoy your family, enjoy the spirit of Christmas, and don’t be a dick by cutting in front of me.. . Also, use your blinker… and put your shopping cart back in designated places instead of leaving them everywhere on the parking lot for the wind to blow into another car.

::End rant::

On a more positive note, I spent a few minutes of my day reading up how Meghan Markle and Prince Harry got engaged. Thank you Meghan Markle for ruining one of the few chances left out there for single women (or married if they want to be shady) to become a princesses.

I’ve also started to put up Christmas decor in my house and playing Christmas music. Husband would always stop me when I used to talk about Christmas in August. This past year, I locked up that excitement til Thanksgiving was over… well, okay, maybe a little before then, but still… I waited for a long time, and now it’s coming in full force.

Until next time….

Entry 49 : People Just need to Chill

Entry 48: Being an Introvert

The other morning, I was in my room, waiting for my house guest to leave for work.

I know, it’s my house and I should be able to go out to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, but it was also 6am and my house guest can be extremely chatty, even in the wee hours of the morning.

I’ve wondered why she’s chatty. Is it because she thinks I want to chat? That because I don’t have much person to person contact on a daily basis, that I need to chat? I mean, I say ‘hi’ to the gym receptionist and interact with the Target cashier when she asks me how my day is, but at the end of the day, do I look like I’m friend deficient?

After the first few days of her stay, there was a decline in my ability to keep up in conversation.

Are you okay? I’m concerned because you’re not acting normal. 

The truth is, I’m an introvert, and while I can be extroverted for a short moment in time, I can’t make a marathon of it.  I found it funny that after a few days of knowing me, she thought that being chatty was normal for me.

Perhaps she wanted me to open up about my life, tell her my deepest secrets, and then become joy luck club sisters. I don’t know. The thing is, I’m pretty selective about who I really open to, and even then, I don’t do it quite often.  It’s a trust thing… so if you’ve seen me ugly cry. Congratulations. You’re a part of my selective ugly cry squad.

Every girl needs one,  a group of girls – with maybe a gay guy mixed in there – who doesn’t judge you, will drink wine with you, eat mochi cake, and candy while your waterproof mascara runs down you face. In light of Thanksgiving,  my go-to gals are the best and I’m forever thankful for them.

I know, it just got emotional there, but you know what – finding amazing friends is a beautiful thing

Anyways, it’s almost Thanksgiving. Husbands mom and stepdad are coming into town soon. I’m been trying pretty hard to clean up the house, but can’t clean the spares til house guest leaves in a couple of days. Husband’s mom likes to clean while she visits, but my goal is to have her visit us and having nothing to clean

As for things I like :

Gigi Hadid Mabelline lip.  They upped the price for her Mabelline line (because of her name) and it made me hesitant about getting anything from her in the first place.  You can get somewhat of the same thing for less but I did get her lipstick. It’s surprisingly smooth, and moisturizing if you want to spend the extra $3-4

Starbucks – Holiday Drinks!  It’s still hot in the desert (highs in the 80s), but gets cold enough in the morning to get a warm drink. My favorite part of the holidays is the peppermint drinks at Starbucks.

Christmas Display – I’ve been really good about not getting excited about Christmas too early, but ever since Michael’s and Target put up their displays in their stores, I’ve gone out of my way to peruse the aisles and just be…  with my Peppermint Coffee from Starbucks. I can’t wait to decorate after Thanksgiving.

Quay Sunglasses. While a lot of the country is battling high winds and rain and storms, I’m on the market for new sunglasses.

Anyways, that’s it for know. I hope every one has a great rest of your week. 🙂 Until next time.

 

 

 

Entry 48: Being an Introvert

Entry 47 : Halloween!!!

I’ve never been a big Halloween fan. I like passing out candy and seeing what cute outfits kids dress in (And what clever and slutty things adults dress up  in) . Yea, I probably wore some slutty outfit at some party during some point in my early 20’s,  but in general I was the girl who preferred to wear the “This is my Halloween shirt” to Halloween parties, or cat ears, because that was easy.

I know what you’re thinking, Where’s your sense of excitement and fun? To which , I don’t really have a good response to give you. I admit that I’m pretty lame – I read for fun, but I’m totally okay with that. So if you have a problem with that, well – whatever.

I do like dressing up my dog.

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Gage, circa 2008

I don’t think he enjoyed it very much.

One thing that I heard on a podcast and read articles on after hearing this podcast is that some moms are trying to be sensitive as to what their kids dress up for Halloween, for fear that it might be seen as cultural appropriation.   

I didn’t even know this was a thing. Granted, I don’t have any kids, but I have friends that do and often think on the decisions I would make if I had any.  Personally, I wouldn’t be offended if a white kid wanted to dress up like Mulan or an Eggroll for Halloween, and would be okay with my kid dressing up like Elsa, but apparently there are others who think otherwise and are like, white kids need to back off Moana.

The way I see it, everyone’s culturally appropriating everyone. There are fashionable ponchos sold at Nordstrom. I almost bought one. Are native Americans offended by ponchos sold in Nordies? If so, Nordies better take that off the shelves.

The solution if you don’t want to offend anyone?  Dress your kid up like a rubix cube, a lego block, or Nemo. Those are pretty neutral and would be equally cute.

But yea, it’s Halloween is next week, which means, it’s almost Thanksgiving, which means… it’s almost Christmas.

How I feel about Christmas.

It really doesn’t seem like Fall in the desert since it’s still in the upper 80s , but I’m reminded that it is because of the pictures of yellow leaves and rain that everyone else is posting on social media. So thank you for that.

Random things that I like this week

“Havana” – Camila Cabello : This song has literally been on repeat the past few days.

Revlon Colorstay Foundation – I’m on a foundation kick and decided to try this out. This youtuber listed it as one of the best drugstore branded foundation… and omg, it hid my freckles with one layer and left a nice matte finish.

Zuchinnis

Walking Dead – The season premiere was this past week. Given the choice between Sunday night football and Walking Dead, we chose walking Dead, especially since the game was pretty boring by halftime.

This is Us – I know I’m one season late to the game, but omg! how is it possible to cry so much in one episode?

Until Next time….

Entry 47 : Halloween!!!

Entry 44: Sit, Stand, Kneel, Don’t Show Up – You Can’t Win

This flag/anthem controversy is everywhere

What I’ve concluded after listening to political podcasts, reading articles, and watching the news is… you can’t win. If you sit, kneel, don’t show up –  to the right, you’re linked with Colin Kaepernick and you’re not honoring the flag. If you stand and disagree with the kneelers, sitters, and non-showers, to the left you’re somehow linked with Trump who represents racism and bigotry and everything against free speech.

I was watching this news blip on how the Cowboys tried to strategically stand with the NFL in their protest, while honoring the flag. They had meetings days before the game with everyone on the team to try to figure out how they could get their message out, without offending anyone. They ended up kneeling before the anthem even began and got boo’d, and then stood during the national anthem. It didn’t matter that they stood during the anthem,  taking a knee regardless of when the knee was taken, was associated that with Colin Kaep. and the NFL, and that didn’t sit well.

Another player from the Steelers, Alejandro Villanueva stood at the tunnel during the anthem while his team were in the lockerroom..  I heard some people, including people in his team, thought it was disrespectful he didn’t stay in the locker rooms with his team.  But if he hadn’t, people from the Right would wonder why he didn’t stand.

You can’t win. Someone, somewhere is bound to have a problem.

I brought up this point earlier in the week  about how it’s funny that people can have so much in common, get along so well, can laugh, watch ‘This is Us’ and cry about it together, go out and have a beer, but the moment when disagreeing politics or religion comes into play – they become enemies. People get so passionate about these two topics, that the commonalities that had once linked a fellow human being to another becomes forgotten.  Until disaster strikes, then humanity kicks in for a few moments… although even then people can be mean with their whole “God is taking away all the Trump supporters with the Hurricanes”.

I think it’s important to remember in the midst of this divide, that an individual’s convictions are products of their experiences and social-economic background that has defined their values and fears. But at the heart it, they are people just like everyone else : they pay bills, have to work a job, watch Game of Thrones and were all like What the Fuck when Hodor died, and experience emotions of love and anger just like every other human being.

That being said, I stood for the anthem when it came on at the bar I was at last Sunday.

I stood…not because I’m racist or don’t believe there’s issues that need to be addressed, or don’t believe in freedom of speech, or am product of white privilege (which someone can explain that to me if I am)  and I didn’t vote for Trump (really I think he should just his keep mouth shut and not tell private entities what to do and focus on not being such a horrible President), but I stood because of my values and conviction in what the flag represents. While I will respectively disagree with those who don’t stand, I come from a standpoint of understanding that even though we may have differing opinions, that doesn’t make anyone who disagrees with me a lesser person than me. I believe we’re all trying to push for a better future for the country and don’t think that there’s a person out there who is doing what they’re doing with the mentality that they want to bring America down – except for extreme terrorists. That’s another story.

Anyways, that is all for now. I probably stirred some pots, some people’s cursor  are probably hovering over the ‘defriend’ button, but not before they write a comment on how I am incorrect . They’ll type in the last sentence saying  something like “You’re horrible for standing and you don’t understand the struggle of the black community because of white privilege”.  then they’ll defriend me a half a second after they hit the send comment button. Or maybe they won’t comment at all and just de-friend me.

I really hope people don’t de-freind in real life me because I stood; I can be fun and personally think I’m awesome, but what can you do…it’s not the end of world…  you can’t win with people sometimes.

Entry 44: Sit, Stand, Kneel, Don’t Show Up – You Can’t Win

Entry 43: Becoming Older… and Apparently More Parent-y

Every Sunday for me and my family is Football Sunday. And when it’s not football season, it’s Walking Dead Sunday, and then Game of Thrones Sunday. And if neither of those shows are on, me and husband look at each and are like, none of the shows we like are on… what do you want to do? At which point, we filter through HBO, Prime, or Netflix, and if nothing on those services appeal to our interest, we watch Big Bang Theory.

Luckily, we have not faced that roadblock since it is football season. This past Sunday night football, we had a few friends over, and extended the invitation to a few friends of a friend.

At the end of the night, one of the extended friends, who is 23 years old, was like you guys don’t have any kids? (A : Uhm, I think you would’ve seen them if we did) ..oh… cuz you guys are like.. parent-y.

I don’t think he meant it in a negative way, or at least I certainly didn’t take it that way. The only reasons I can think of why he said it was maybe because a. we’re a whole decade older than him or b. we’re good hosts and fed him.

Whatever the reason, in my head – I was like, parent-y? when did that happen? Especially since I myself don’t think I have the maturity of a parent, let alone an adult. Maybe if I showed him my adult coloring book collection, or the hello kitty socks that I have in my drawer, he would think otherwise.

Or not.

Earlier that evening, a commercial came on for The Voice.

23 year old :  I don’t even know who the black chick is.

Me: That’s Jennifer Hudson… she was on American Idle

::Blank stare::

I have accepted that this will happen more and more the older that I get: having to explain pop culture and events of yesteryear that will be met with blank stares. I am anticipating that the day when I have to explain who NSync and the BackStreet Boys are will come fairly soon. It will be a day that will hurt my heart, but one which I will gladly take the time to explain the cultural phenom that was.

It makes me think about how my teachers in high school tried to explain world events that they lived through – like the Berlin Wall coming down. Or how my mom’s face would light up whenever she saw Donny Osmond on tv , and how I myself met them with stares of yea, I know you’ve lived through this, and I can see you feel a certain way, but I can’t exactly share your emotion. 

Ehh, it is what it is. It’s all a part of getting older… and becoming parent-y .. I suppose.

Until next time…

 

Entry 43: Becoming Older… and Apparently More Parent-y

Entry 27: Getting a Job

Earlier today, a recruiter called saying he had an opportunity that he thought would be good for me

When’s the earliest you can start? 

The question made me anxious, mainly because making snap decisions is against my nature. I like to brew on things, look at things from all angles and possibilities before making a decision. While in some instances this can be good,  it tends to over complicate things that don’t necessarily need to be over complicated. Like, do I want chocolate or vanilla ? I don’t know. It depends, is there a possibility that the chocolate could potentially get on what I am wearing? or get on my face? There’s so many factors!

So when posed with the question of when I could start, in my head I was like,ahhh I don’t know! I have to think about this. This is a lot right now! 

Instead, I heard myself say “Monday.”

After I hung up, I felt a little uneasy about it. I didn’t feel uneasy about the idea of getting a job, per se, but the fact that the idea didn’t really get a chance to settle within me.  There’s so much to brew on when going through life-changing things. Like the fact that I’ll have to do my workouts after work, and that I have to be more efficient with everything I do because I won’t have the opportunity to take my time doing things or take a nap.

It’s funny though, how whenever I’m working, I don’t want to work, and when I don’t work, the idea of working seems all the more appealing. If only there was a job where I could just get paid for doing something that would allow me to take naps whenever I wanted.

Anyways, I’m probably over-complicating it all. Everyone has to deal with juggling life, and while I have been fortunate to have not had to work these past few months, it’s something that I’ll have to figure out. On the plus side, maybe now I can go ahead and just get my instant pot that I’ve been wanting for months now.

Until next time….

Entry 27: Getting a Job