Entry 40: The Louis Vuitton Gym Bag

There’s this lady at the gym that I see all the time waiting for her yoga class. She’s probably in her late twenties or early thirties, a mom – and everyday I see her, she has strapped around her shoulder a Louis Vuitton gym bag.

This intrigues me. Having never owned a Louis Vuitton bag in my life, whenever I see her, I constantly find myself wondering what it must be like to prep for the gym and decide, Hey I’m going to use this expensive ass bag for all my gym stuff.

How do you even decide to get one in the first place? Deciding to get a Louis Vuitton is one thing,  it’s another thing to get one specifically for the gym. I imagine that at some point, said lady decided she needed a gym bag, decided she specifically needed a designer gym bag and while shopping must have been like no, I don’t want a Gucci gym bag.  I want a Louis Vuitton one. No, not that one. The bigger one.  

Or maybe she has 10 Louis Vuitton bags and the bag she was using was one she bought 5 years ago. Since it was so 5 years ago, of course she was going to use it as a gym bag.

But I kind of get it; material possessions often are looked as reflections of our social status. As our society emphasizes the need to succeed,  there exists this secret (or maybe not so secret)  competition to be at the top in the hierarchy of life, with the bigger, more expensive stuff acting as measures of our value and success.

So, if one’s going to be boss with a Louis Vuitton bag, why not be one with a Louis Vuitton gym bag? Just because… that’s even more boss than just having a regular bag.

My current gym bag is a Adidas sackpack from TJ Maxx that I got for $10. Its not boss at all. What it says about me is I bought this bag to carry my shit while I work out, and it was cheap. I don’t carry it with me all the time though; most times I have my wallet and my phone, and I stick it in my sports bra, right in the area between a boob and the armpit.

(I can see your head tilt and brows furrow as your trying to visualize sticking a phone/wallet in your bra if you’re a girl…or if you’re a dude, visualizing a girl sticking a phone/wallet in her bra. Thats kinda weird, you’re probably saying. And it kinda is, but thats how I roll.)

If I do happen to get designer stuff, someone please call me out if I become one of those stuck up chicks who’s like, is that from the Gap? Gross. Those females do exist. I know because one time I was talking to this co-worker, and was admiring her watch:

Me: Is that Michael Kors?

Coworker: Oh no… its Chanel sweetheart.

Well shit I thought. Excuuuuse me. 

She gave me a look that told me she wouldn’t be caught dead in a Michael Kors anything; she was better than a Michael Kors, and thus was cooler than me.

Yea, I don’t want to be that person, so call me out.

Anyways, that’s all for now. I hope everyone has a great week, and if you have one of them designer bags that cost a couple regular people paychecks, I hope you’ll still be friends with people like me who shop at TJ Max and Target.

(Note: I first wrote this whole post spelling Louis wrong and had to correct. God forbid someone reads this and is like…. Hey, you spelt “Louis” wrong.  I wasnt high cultured enough to know, but now I know. )

Until next time.. ..

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Entry 40: The Louis Vuitton Gym Bag

Entry 37 : What’s Your Story?

Have you ever been asked the question What’s your story?

My immediate reaction is always like : What do you mean what’s my story? I don’t really …have one. Whats YOUR story. Then based on their answer, I answer the question.

To be quite honest, I don’t think my life is all that exciting so I’m never quite sure how to answer. When you think of stories / movies, they usually consist of a plot – sometimes with twists, turns, and an apex to the plot  – and my life has none of that. Its just, ordinary. To me its awesome, but ordinary. I mean, I cleaned my spare bathroom yesterday. This happens once a week. And then after that I folded laundry.  And then I grilled hot dogs for dinner.

If you want to go into the depth of my character, well – some might find my interests boring. I like to read, get lost in Michaels, word puzzles and regular puzzles, and binge watching The Great British Baking Show. I got into a Games of Thrones debate with the produce guy at the grocery store the other day. I hear any sort of Game of Thrones reference and my ears just perk up. He was talking to the other produce guy about the battle scene from last season and I just joined in like  I know right!?!  That was friggin crazy!

Some people think my personality weird. In high school, when I first started dating my high school boyfriend, this girl asked him Why are you dating her? She’s weird. At the time, it kind of hurt my feelings, but then I was like, wait a minute – she’s right. I am kind of weird; not in the bad socially-awkward way, just in the- I used to humm while i brushed my teeth -kind of way (true story. i dont do it anymore though, i swear…. ) and some people find that weird. I used to hope that girl who called me weird was losing in life, but I’ve gotten over it and have come to embrace the “weirdness” as part of why I’m awesome

Back to my story. This makes me realize how grateful I am not to be dating, just so I don’t have to answer that question. The very thought gives me anxiety. I would probably be rejected by waves if I was like I like puzzles, but it’s something I would say because it’s true.

I’m glad my husband didn’t think I was too weird on our first date. After we ate, I started making a sculpture with tortilla chips and poured water over it, saying its called art, you wouldn’t understand. I’d like to think he was just like Yea, shes a little weird, but super hot so I’ll let it pass. 😊

Anyways, until next time….

Entry 37 : What’s Your Story?

Entry 35 : Social Media De-Compress

I haven’t been on social media as of late, not providing consistent updates on the happenings on my life,  including the fact that I am going to bed because I am tired, or shared a picture of a most recent zit on my nose, or notified you all on my most recent cravings for fortune cookies. Because well, my life is all that interesting and when I fail to “check in” to the bathroom of my home to notify you that I’m going to take a shit, that is cause for concern.

What happened was…. well, Lent happened, and for Lent I decided to give up Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat.

It was hard at first My constant impulse was to go on these social media forums and see what so-and-so was up to, and to let people know I had seen a squirrel, or share a picture of Europeans in speedos. So to prevent myself from going on successfully, I signed out of everything in order to create a roadblock for myself.

Well, everything except twitter, mainly because I never go on twitter and I forgot that I even had a twitter account when I was signing out of everything. I go on twitter an average of once or twice a year and have 1 follower (my husband).  A few days into lent, I received a notification on a witty Anna Kendrick tweet that she liked cake, or something to that effect and it made me laugh, because well… I too like cake.  So I ‘liked’ her tweet, and forgot all about it. A few hours later, my husband messaged me, asking me if I went had gone on social media that day.  I backtracked as best as I could, recounting the events of the day and replied with an adamant no.

Being my one twitter follower, he mentioned he had seen that I had ‘liked’ an Anna Kendrick tweet.

Me:  O_O Oh shit, yea I did. I forgot. But it was a funny tweet!

I got called out, but in truth, I never use twitter and had completely forgotten that I had been on it for that brief moment. I soon after signed out of my twitter account to prevent future logins by impulse.

Since then I have fasted from social media, going on only on Sundays, as Sundays don’t count in Lent. So if you’re like, What the Hell Winter! Didn’t you know that I was at Dairy Queen on Wednesday? I checked in on Facebook and tagged you because I know you like cookies and cream blasts! … or I told the world I was gay on Facebook last week, and you don’t know?!?  Sorry, I’ve been out of the loop. But to be honest, its been refreshing to not be so consumed by the need instantly let people know everything  I’m up to, which is usually something along the lines of going to Home Depot or grocery shopping, or helping to fix a toilet flush valve. Please, try not be envious.

Anyways… until next time.

 

 

 

Entry 35 : Social Media De-Compress

Entry 33: Putting Effort to look like a Lady

I swore when I became a full-time housewife that I would never let myself go: I would workout, do household chores, do my make-up and curl my hair, so that my husband would come home to a hot and sexy wife.

Now I’ve been a housewife for close to a year, my husband comes home and with one look is like did you even comb your hair? 

No, I did not.

I’ve become the woman I swore I would never become: wearing sweats all day, a loose fitted shirt, and hair tied up in a messy bun. While I do feel like I have gotten in better shape with so much time to workout, I’ve realized that it’s too much effort to “get done up” if you will, when after the gym I have to clean the house and do all these chores. Besides which , the question I always find myself asking when thinking about putting some makeup on is Who’s going to see me?  Am I really putting on make-up just to go to Target? 

The other week I went to jury duty, and as I walked up the steps to the courthouse, I saw a woman, dressed in a pencil skirt, fashionable 3 inch stilletoes, and a Luis Vuitton bag around her shoulder. Her make up was done to perfection, and you could tell she had taken the time to blowdry and straighten her hair out. She reminded me of my younger self (minus the Luis bag because I can’t afford that shit), back when I had a 9 to 5, and suddenly I became self-conscious of what I was wearing, how my hair was in a quick bun, and how minimal my make-up was. Had I forgotten what it was like to be a confident woman?

Since then, I’ve been putting a little more effort in my appearance, actually showering daily, not waiting for my hair to knot up before brushing it, and putting makeup on in an effort to not lose my sense of feminity. I’m not going all out with my apearance, because – like I said before – who’s going to see me when I’m sweeping, but I don’t want to be that person that wears sweats every day out of laziness.

That’s all for now. Until next time…

 

Entry 33: Putting Effort to look like a Lady

Entry 31: Where are All the Hot Lawyers?

TV totally skews how people are supposed to look like in real life.

Cops are supposed to be hot.

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Doctors are supposed to be hot.

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Lawyers are supposed to be hot.

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Everyone is supposed to be hot. 

But in real life, are they really?

That’s Hollywood for you, implanting ideas of hotness, and even though I know what tv is intentionally doing to my thinking, I constantly find myself looking for that hot doctor or lawyer in real life, only to end up disappointed when he doesn’t exist.

Case in point, this past week I got summoned for jury duty. As I walked through the doorway, past security and into the main hall, a quick scan of all the suited professionals showed lawyers in outdated suits, and white hairs. No hot ones. Even when I was questioned for my jury selection, the lawyers that sat in the paneled table were old, weathered, and out of shape; nothing like the people that played them on television.

Do I want Hollywood to change they’re casting to reflect what real life doctors look like? I don’t know. While it is a mis-representation, a part of the reason why people look to television and movies is for that time-out from the real world and for that ability to somehow be vicariously in these alternate realities where everyone is attractive and have some scandalous or exciting thing happen to them. People may not want to admit it, but I think it’s true.

Anyways, I’m currently digging the show “The People Versus OJ Simpson” . Season 1 is on Netflix, and Season 2 is currently on FX. I was a little hesitant about watching it at first, but sometimes truth can be skewed by the narrative. I ended up watching it anyway and am hooked. They nailed down the casting for Marcia Clark and Johnnie Cochran and while I was so sure that I knew the facts of the case (I was in 5th grade when this all happened), the show definitely presents some interesting details behind the story. Definitely recommend.

Until next time…

 

Entry 31: Where are All the Hot Lawyers?

Entry 30 : The Best You Ever Had

This girl that I had been friends with since … I don’t know for how long, married a guy who – back in college, offered me the best oral sex  that I would ever have in my life. We were at a party – which, anyone who knows me, knows that in college I very rarely went to these things or went out at all. My typical weekends consisted of studying and doing homework that wasn’t due for weeks. So the very fact that I was at a party was out of the norm for me.

It was the first time I had ever talked to him. I want to say that I saw him around school, but I can’t be completely sure since my face could always be found buried in textbooks.  What I can say is that at this party he was wasted and I was not,  which perhaps helped to further en grain the moment into long term mermory. Whether he had been serious or had been joking, I don’t know, but perhaps if I had been completely drunk, the offer might have been remotely tempting. Maybe.

I get that everyone does stupid crazy things when they’re younger. Someone might be able to quote a time when I did something stupid. (or not, because I was a goody goody) but now, 10 + years later, this memory is still the first thing that pops into my head when I see him or hear the mention of him. It was the first thing I thought of when my friend said she was dating him, going to marry him, and then going to have kids with him.

That guy is going to be a dad. 

It’s helped that me the girl don’t really hang out anymore so I haven’t had to have those thoughts about her husband running through my head, but whenever I do see them,  I’ve tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. He probably doens’t remember since he was so drunk,After all, just because he offered me the best oral sex experience of my life, doesn’t mean he is a bad person. Right?

Entry 30 : The Best You Ever Had

Entry 29: TV and A Newfound Obssession with UFC

I missed the Grammys last Sunday. It was a decision between Walking Dead and the Grammys, and I chose Walking Dead.

I’m wondering if there are others like me who find themselves in a dilemma when it comes to deciding what show to watch. It is a dilemma which, I have faced many times before: Do I watch Monday night football or… the presidential debate? Game of Thrones or …CNN covering a President’s speech?

Lately, my show of choice (when asked what I want to watch)  has been anything UFC. It’s a thing that has just recently perked my interest.  I think what fascinates me about it is the fact that two people in a fenced octagon arena made the conscious decision to get their asses whooped.

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Granted, they  do get paid, but it’s definitely something I wouldn’t be able to do, unless it was to save the world from an alien invasion.   Then it becomes the right thing to do and I’m all about doing the right thing.

To start with, where does all that anger come from? A past girlfriend who cheated ? Daddy abandonment issues? And how do you get punched in the face so many times without not wanting to just crawl in fetal position and think of happy thoughts like ice cream and sunshine to make pain will go away? Because that’s what I would do.

Besides that, I do not tolerate pain well. One time, I cut myself accidentally with a knife and was yelling bloody murder when my husband tried to wash the wound with water from the sink. So if I was put in the situation where I had to fight someone, I would tap out even before the fight began, or with one hit – I would purposely fall to the ground if the hit already didn’t put me there, and then tell myself to stay the fuck down. It’ll be over soon… I think.

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This brings up the issue of me not being able to defend myself. Thank goodness I’ve never been put in the situation where I’ve had to, but if someone were to start a physical fight with me, I don’t know how I’d be able to defend myself, if we were just relying on my non-existent combat skills.

What I need to learn are those pressure points that (when poked) completely render the opponent helpless. Haven’t you seen those movies where one person is getting beat up and all seems lost, until they touch their clavicle and then the enemy goes to sleep? Yea, that’s what I need to learn and then I’ll be all good.

Anyways, some television shows I’m digging now:

The Magicians on Netflix/Sci-FI – It’s like Harry Potter goes to college

Taboo – Half the time I don’t know what’s going on and when Tom Hardy speaks, its mostly of him grunting, but Tom Hardy is fine as shit and walks around with no pants or no shirt (not both), so you know.

Walking Dead – Part II of the season premiered last week. It was kind of slow, but I’m interested in seeing what happens.

Legion – This is supposed to be Xmen related. The first episode grabbed me, but I have to keep watching to formulate a good opinion

Humans – Are they human, or are they not? I don’t get why it’s not obvious to the humans in the show that the ones who have overly green animated eyes are not human.

Anyways, that’s it for now. I know, it’s a lot of tv. Maybe it’s indicative that I need a life? I don’t know

Until next time…

Entry 29: TV and A Newfound Obssession with UFC