Forewarning, this entry is a bit religious… because it’s Ash Wednesday and kind of a big deal for Catholics/Christians who see this as the beginning of a month and a half of spiritual prep for Easter.
It’s also Valentines day.
You better believe I got my ashes on this morning…and then later tonight when husband gets home, I’m going to give him a DIY card, sushi, and Jack Daniels fudge, and then we’re going to have a dance party. 😉
Many Catholics have probably already contemplated the coincidence of Ash Wednesday and Valentines falling on the same day. Or maybe they haven’t and I could be the only one. It seems befitting that these two holidays should be one in the same day. True, dwelling on Jesus’ death for a month a half can kind of be depressing, and combined with the infusion of a few more Catholic rules of what you can and cannot eat and do, I can understand why people might gloss over Lent in general and skip to coloring eggs and taking pictures with the Easter bunny.
But to me, Jesus’ death is the ultimate act of love, even more so than that $10-$20 box of chocolates and my DIY card; Lent is just a reminder of that love.
This reminder couldn’t have come at a better time for me. These past few days I’ve been doing a lot of self-contemplation and reflection, looking at myself in the bareness of my vulnerabilities and (if I can be honest) I’ve been kind of lost and wandering aimlessly trying to find out who I am and what I should be doing with my life in order to find some purpose or meaning. Sure, I get that life happens and often changes what plans you had for yourself 10 years ago, but thinking about all this has brought me face to face with the following truth: I have not cared for myself as well as I should.
Maybe you’re surprised that this is the case (which means I’m really good at creating a facade). Or maybe it’s something you could have told me based on the fact that I have really bad posture, but it’s a mental block that I’ve struggled to find a way out of since I was kid and which I’m starting to realize the negatives effects of. It’s the voice that has continually told myself I cant, or that something wasn’t worth trying because I wasn’t worth the chance of failing. It is the thing that has ultimately brought me to this state of limbo.
I know, these are super depressing realizations, and you’re probably like you’re so valuable and have so much potential, you don’t even know. I have had many people tell me this on many occassion, it’s just that when a negative mentality has been so engrained for so long, it becomes the truth you believe, and sometimes the truth you believe makes all the difference, not what people tell you.
But like I said, that’s where the combo of Lent and Valentine’s seemingly has its perfect timing: to break through that stupid mental limbo wall of low self-opinion and remind me that despite whatever thoughts or feelings or sinfulness I might have, I am worth it, because why else would Jesus have died?
Anyways, I hope everyone has a blessed Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s day, and day in general. I’m still trying to figure out what to give up, but my priest did shed some light on the fact that it should be personal and we shouldn’t just go through the motions. In whatever we give up, should wake up hungry, go through the day hungry, and go to bed even more hungry for Jesus.
Until next time….