Entry 35 : Case of the Ex. 2

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about insta-stalking an ex-boyfriend, and how I wished I could look at that time of my life, without feeling animosity.

Well, funny story – I ended up having this dream a few weeks ago that the ex-boyfriend was trying to get back together with me; he was remorseful over all the hurt and suffering he had caused me, and blah blah blah.

In my dream, I felt conflicted; I was getting what I thought I wanted (him groveling back to me), but it wasn’t at all satisfying. Like, I was happy and didn’t want to give up my life with my husband, who in my dream was played by my real husband. lol. Have you ever had those dreams where somebody is supposed to be someone to you… like a spouse, or a best friend, but it’s role played by someone else who is not that person in real life?

Anyways, even though I felt really confused in my dream, I woke up happy. If dreams are supposed to be a pathway into the psyche, what I think my psyche was telling me to get over it. I have to admit a small part of me wished that at some point in life, he would realize that he had fucked up on the best thing he had ever had and would pine away eating ice cream and getting fat, but to be honest – the dream made me realize that none of that even matters anymore. While getting my heart broken was not fun, I should look at it as a blessing, one that opened a pathway to a better me, an awesome life, and a studly spouse.

So there, no more holding grudges for something in the past.

Until next time…

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Entry 35 : Case of the Ex. 2

Entry 32: Case of the EX

I’m instagram buddies with an ex-boyfriend who had broken my heart when I was 22. I suppose it’s to prove that I have no ill-will towards him, but whenever I see a picture he had taken posted on my feed, I still feel a hint of the pasts’ bitterness gurgling at the pit of my stomach.

What a fuckin idiot. 

Our breakup (while putting me through 9 months of post-breakup ugly crying and questioning my own self-worth) actually led me to a more blessed life, but as much as I try – that bitterness still lingers.

The thing is, I don’t want it to be there. I want to be able to think of that time of my life – the love, the heartache, the depression – and be okay with it, to acknowledge it without negativity, because life did turn out great despite not knowing how I would be able to go on.

Taylor Swift is known for writing songs about past relationships. It’s probably very therapeutic for her, but it makes me think that the reason for my animosity is because it’s all pent up… in the crevice of my heart somewhere. I guess I should try letting it out more?

Anyways, until next time….

 

Entry 32: Case of the EX

Entry 25: Valentines Day

In light of Valentines Day, I got this email with the following subject line:

Have you gotten your sexy Valentines Day Lingerie yet?!?

Normally,  I send Victoria Secret emails to the trash, and this one ultimately was dragged and dropped into that folder, but for a brief moment, I panicked.

Oh shit! What do I do??!!

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After I opened up that email and clicked on a few camisoles and chemises, I came to the realization that this panic I was feeling was exactly what the marketing strategists at Victoria Secret was wanting me to do. They got to me during a moment of weakness.

Ahh Hell nah!

I try not to get caught up in the whole “Valentines Day” ordeal.  I’ll get Husband chocolate (because really, I’m the one who wants to eat them) and a card (because I like cards). One time I got Husband a katana sword, but really it was just an excuse to get a katana sword. We had been binge watching Walking Dead at the time and after we got through season 2, it became clear that was imperative we got a katana sword. For the zombie apocalypse.

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Another time Husband got me the same card he got me 2 years before.

“Isn’t this the same card you got me a few years back?”

I looked in my box of cards and found the exact same Valentines card  with two puppies cuddling together from 2013 and I laughed.

So you can see how seriously we take Valentines Day.

While I personally think Valentines Day is a big jumbo wambo for these companies to make money off of everyone,  that doesn’t mean you have to believe what I think. Go! Get your sexy underwear specifically for this day designated for love, seduce your significant other, and eat all the chocolate covered strawberries you want! I’m not going to stop you, because I can’t.

But I will leave with one piece of advice: make sure you let your significant other know you love them on other days besides Valentines Day. Give your girlfriend flowers on a random day to let them know you were thinking about them. Ladies, seduce your man on a Thursday, or Friday in March. It’s great that Valentines Day is there to remind us how great love is, but it doesn’t have to be just for that one day. Really, it should be everyday, because love, loving, being loved is awesome.

Until next time….

Entry 25: Valentines Day

Entry 18: Anniversaries

May is my anniversary month, a time where it has become a traditional joke to remind people of when A passed out at his own wedding.

If you were there you probably remember the words “omgosh” coming out of your mouth, and if you weren’t there, you’ve had to settle for third person accounts of the day.

Now, I’m not one who generally provides the world with daily status updates of my undying love for my husband; it’s there, but frankly, I find excessive internet affection annoying. And by excessive I mean like every 30 seconds :: status update:: my significant other is amazing. Then 30 seconds later ::status update:: my significant other is more amazing than they were 30 seconds ago.

These are the same people who take a million pictures of the cheesecake they had for dinner at a million different angles, a thing that could essentially be summarized in 1 picture that yes, there was a cheesecake…and yes, it was amazing.

But I digress.

I do like sharing what goes on in my head during really big occurrences in my life (because my brain is funnily all over the place) …like the first time I met A.

Now, I get that every love story begins with the same Oh, my heart was beating so fast and there were butterflies everywhere! different color butterflies just fluttering….  I’m pretty sure they were flying in my face while we googly eyed all night…. 

But let me premise this by saying that at the time of our first date,  I had been saturating my reads with trashy historical romance novels. You know, the kind with the Gaelic Laird who finds an English damsel in distress who, upon seeing the mighty warrior with powerful thighs and  his devilishly handsome grin, starts having these feelings that go against everything she had learned from her pure virtuous upbringing with the nuns. Though she tries to resist these thoughts, she finds herself blushing at the very thought of what it would be like… to just …straddle him.

You might laugh, but these books do exist; I know because I have read  a lot of them and I still read them from time to time. While some people find guilty pleasure in keeping up with the Kardashians, Britney Spears, or watching YouTube videos on “how to twerk”, my guilty pleasure is trashy historical romance novels that often leave me wishing I had that experience of being saved from a locked tower of some sort.

But what does this have to do with the first time I met A?

In being so saturated in these books, the first time I opened the front door and saw A, with his 6ft plus self and muscles just …everywhere, he was literally the biggest person I had ever stood next to, mainly because I hung around Asians 99 % of the time. It sequentially made me think about all the Gaelic Lairds I had ever read about, which then made me come to the realization that this … this being in front of me is what  all the fictional damsels were probably looking at when they were getting all hot and bothered.

I am pretty sure my first words were something along the lines of “hey”,  but my thoughts could only revolve around one word:

Whoa…

.. and that my friends, was my first impression. It’s been 8 years since that epic event in my life, and after 6 years of marriage,  reminiscing about the first whoa always puts a smile on my face.

Entry 18: Anniversaries